Baby!

Please welcome Caroline Marie Noakes!  She was born on Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 10:06pm.  She weighed 6 lbs 7 oz. and was 19 ½ inches long.  She has a full head of dark brown hair (surprise surprise) and currently she has dark grey/blue eyes but we know that will change over the course of the year.  She is perfect J  Here is the story of her birth.

I didn’t share this before but the original plan was to start inducing me on April 1 around 4pm.  It would be a slow induction over night and then the real stuff would get going on Monday.  Caroline had other plans J

On Saturday morning Phil got up early and ran the Monument Avenue 10K which is a BIG Richmond tradition.  I mean people dress-up in costumes for it!  While he ran I slept in.  I made sure to take the morning easy in the hopes of not going into labor while Philip was running.  I didn’t go into labor and he did great in the race.  We spent the rest of the day trying to not think about the next day.  We went to a local garden center and bought some flowers to plant and did laundry.  We also made a couple of videos for Caroline to tell her how excited we were about the next day.

For weeks now I have had fake contractions.   They have never been consistent in timing or strength.   All of a sudden around 6:30pm on Saturday I started having contractions.  I was surprised because all we were doing was sitting on the couch watching TV.  I decided to go finish folding laundry because in case these were real I didn’t want to come home to unfolded laundry.  So Phil went with me and started timing the contractions.  Hmmm they were consistent and quick!  They were only 3.5 minutes apart. So we called the on-call doctor (Dr. Selman) and he said to come in.  That was about 7:10pm.  After taking a few moments to collect our things we were able to get to the hospital and were in our room around 7:50pm.  On our way we called our parents to warn them that I may be in labor but we would let them know.  We also made another video documenting the fake/real contractions.  Around 8:10pm Dr. Selman came in and checked to see how far along I was.  I was 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced!  I WAS IN LABOR!!! Since my doctor was not on call he and I discussed our birth plan.  It was pretty basic-have a living baby. If there was ANY sign of stress on her, even once, they would do a c-section.  We also discussed the fact that NICU would be in the room for delivery and would probably take her to the NICU for observation and clearance from the cardiologist before giving her to us.  As he looked at the contraction monitor he looked at me and said, “How are you laughing through that contraction?”  I said, “Oh its not fun, but we are having a baby!”  I was pretty excitedJ After Dr. Selman left we had a stream of hospital staff, nurses, etc. coming in to check us in and get things rolling.  We called our parents, siblings, and a few extended family members in between all our visitors. Phil found the Caps hockey game on the TV because not much was going on.  My nurse Peggy and I were getting to know one another and discussing labor.  She was great!  I really enjoyed talking to her.  Around 9:10 Caroline’s heartbeat dropped.  All of a sudden Peggy had me lying down, was calling in other nurses, putting oxygen on me, and having me lay on my side.  She explained that during a larger contraction Caroline’s heartbeat had dropped and they were making sure it would come back up.  It did.  But that was the sign.  She called Dr. Selman and the OR.  I was having a c-section.  Mind you we have only been here an hour and hardly had a chance to even tell anyone I was in labor and we were about to have a baby!

Caroline was born at 10:06pm.  Philip got to hold her and put her up by my face.  I couldn’t really see her but I was excited, though distracted by the c-section that was still going on.  I did not realize how much you feel when you have a c-section.  Not fun.   Then the  NICU nurses took her and Phil stayed with me in the OR.  We ended up back in our room around 11.  The NICU nurse said everything looked great and I could see her 3 hours after my surgery.  3 hours! What?! I asked if Phil could at least go and they said yes.  He told me he would wait for me to go with him but I told him he should go.  He was so excited.  It killed me to wait those next couple of hours.  My mom was in the room when I got back from surgery so at least I had company.  But man I was pissed.  I didn’t realize there would be such a long time between delivery and when I would get to see her.  I was so jealous of Phil.  When I finally got to see her I had to be wheeled in my bed to the NICU because I couldn’t sit up yet.    I got to hold her for an hour.  Then they made me leave for more post-op  monitoring.  I was frustrated but had to remember that I had just had major surgery.   Philip got to stay.  Grrrrr.  I was so jealous of him! Phil was able to take my mom back to the NICU to meet Caroline and then when his parents arrived around 3am he took them.

Caroline stayed in the NICU until about 8pm on Sunday, April 1.  They had to have a tech come and do an ultrasound, have the cardiologist review it, talk with us, talk with the pediatrician, talk with the NICU doctor, and have them all clear her to leave the NICU.

When we met with the cardiologist he said that yes she has an A/V canal defect but she looks strong and healthy.  We are supposed to go see him at 3 weeks for another visit.  We do NOT know when her surgery will be.  Right now she is alive, strong, healthy, happy, and gaining weight.  That is all that matters.

It was much easier when we got her back to her room.    Now we didn’t need permission to visit our daughter.  My sister and dad arrived on Sunday to meet her.  We also had a steady stream of hospital and VA Women’s Center staff come and visit us. We have met A LOT of nurses and doctors over the past year.  They were all so sweet to come and check on us.  Nurses we met when I had Emily were able to meet Caroline.  It felt so good to finally have a happy moment with them.  They got to experience one of the best and one of the worst periods of our lives.  It felt right to have them there.  Phil commented that it was like a movie or something.  Everything wrapping up all nice at the end.  

On April 2, Caroline came home J  I can not express how amazing it was to FINALLY bring our child home.  We have had a room waiting for her for a long time.  We've had a place in our hearts waiting even longer.

We have spent the past week spending time with Caroline and family.  On Thursday Phil’s grandmother (Caroline’s Great Grandma!), his cousin, two aunts, and uncle all came from North Carolina for the day to meet Caroline.  Phil’s siblings came for Easter weekend along with my sister and dad.  Unfortunately my brother can’t make it until this coming weekend. 

We had a wonderful first week filled with family time.  We have both ignored most phone calls, texts, emails, etc.  so that we could focus on our wonderful daughter.  We will slowly start responding as we adjust to this whole parenting thingJ 

Now it is just my mom, Caroline and I.  Philip went back to work this week.  My mom will leave next weekend.  Then Phil is going to work from home for a week so I don’t have to be on my own until she is 3 weeks old.

Overall Philip, Caroline, and I are doing great!  We are so in love. We can't stop staring at her, holding her, hugging and kissing her.  We are also a little obsessed with taking photos.  We just can't get enough! Philip says one of his favorite things is her hands.  She has busy busy hands!  She shows so much expression through them.  During the past couple of days she has started focusing her eyes better.  Now as I rock her, feed her, dance with her, she looks up into my face and smiles.  Man I could stare at her doing that for forever.  One of my favorite things she has already grown out of...at 10 days old!  For the first couple of days she had a really cute and quiet cry.  When she would get upset she would even soothe herself by crying a cry that sounded like "uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh."  Now she has found her lungs and no longer does her uh-huh's.  She is growing up so fast!

While it has been a wonderful week it has been a hard week too.  Caroline and Emily look A LOT alike.  A LOT A LOT alike.  They have the same shaped head, same mouth, same shaped eyes and nose, same long fingers.  It was difficult for me that first day.  It felt weird calling her Caroline.  I felt kinda detached because I had so little time with her.  The NICU had taken some pictures of her and sent them to our room.  I remember one of the nurses asking if this was my baby and I had to say, “I don’t know” because I had only held her for an hour in the dark of the NICU.  It has also been hard because we are about to hit the one year mark of when I delivered Emily.  My sadness surrounding this day is coming out in fears of loosing Caroline.  I’ve had daily breakdowns where I just sit there rocking Caroline and sobbing.  It doesn’t help that I’m coming off of pregnancy hormones and I’m sleep deprived.  It is very hard to believe that there could be anything wrong with our perfect little daughter.  Phil and I sat there in the NICU listening to the cardiologist and thinking, "How can there be anything wrong with something so perfect?" With Emily there was nothing I could do to save her.  With Caroline it feels like we have the chance to save her if something goes wrong, if we notice it.  I have asked just about every doctor, “What are signs that something is wrong with her heart?”  I have to remember what the cardiologist explained.  That it won’t be something instantaneous.  It will be gradual and we will know.  Still, it doesn’t take away the fear. Love, fear, grief, and hormones are a wicked combination.  Phil and my mom and being incredibly supportive as I battle them.

I am so in love with Philip as a father.  He is amazing with her.  It comes so natural to him.  You just have to see him in the same room with her and you know he is in love.  He has helped me so much.  I think he has changed more poopy diapers than me!  He has bathed her more than I have that's for sure.  That first week all I had the energy for was to recover from the c-section and to feed Caroline.  Now that he is back at work I'm slowly taking on more things on my own.

I’m really glad my mom is here.  She helped us soooo much the first week as we tried to figure everything out.  Now that it’s just her and I she is helping to take care of me while I take care of Caroline.  She makes sure I’m eating, drinking water, and resting.  She is also doing our laundry and cooking.  I also make sure she gets plenty of Grandma snuggles.  I love my mommy J  I hope I can have a wonderful mother/daughter relationship with Caroline like I have with my mom. 

Zach is adjusting well.  He does not like it when she cries.  He now has his bed next to her pack-n-play in our room and he has a bed in her room.  He gets up with me for every feeding.  He stares at me until she is calmed down if she is crying and then he sleeps while she eats.  When he gets home from walks he runs around the house until he can find her and check on her.  He likes to nap wherever she is napping.  When we get home from someplace he doesn't want to see us, he wants to see that she is with us.  He is gentle when he gets near and he doesn't lick her to death...which we won't allow anyway. He is a good big brother

Caroline's first outing was to Easter Sunday church.  It felt right to have her first outing (well other than a 4 day old Dr. appt.) was to church.  And Easter Sunday at that!  She slept right through the entire service.  We were there 20 minutes early and it didn't matter...she kept sleeping.  The pastor's "teaching time" this week hit very close to home.  He opened with having you think about your very worst moment in life and then imagining it becoming your very best.  He was talking about how the women who came to Jesus's tomb were having the very worst day and when they found out Jesus was alive it was now the very best.  Philip and I just looked at each other and held hands during the sermon.  I of course cried.  Our very worst moment was loosing Emily. But, if we had not lost Emily then Caroline would not be here.  For us our very worst truly has become our very best.

Right now Caroline is sleeping peacefully while I type.  She is working hard to be a little milk monster (my nickname for her because she likes to have milk dribble down her face) and get chubby little cheeks.  She is sooo precious!

We are welcoming HEALTHY visitors.  Just please contact me before coming over to make sure it is a good time.  Thank you :)

We have taken a TON of pictures.  I have included a small sampling below but I have put more plus the videos Philip and I made onto a shutterfly share site. I have password protected the site.  If you would like the password, just ask me or request it on the site.  So far I have only had time to go through the hospital pictures and Easter pictures.  I hope to add other photos in the coming days.  http://noakesnest.shutterfly.com/ 

Being a Mommy is wonderful but exhausting.  My favorite moments are when it is just Caroline and I.  She is amazing.  I can’t wait for all that is to come in the future J

Love,

Megan

On the way to Easter service.

I was perfect at church!

Happy Easter :)

Look what the stork brought us!

Full Term

Today I am 37 weeks and considered FULL TERM!!! The doctors told me this week that it should now be safe for Caroline to come whenever she wants.  They wanted her to stay put until now to make sure her lungs are fully developed (one of the last things to develop fully).  This is particularly important because of her heart defect.  The cardiologist specifically said, "The heart we can deal with, heart and lungs now that's another story."  This waiting has been hard on us.  We've had to balance our fears of loosing Caroline in utero to our fears of having her here too soon. Those fears coupled with normal holy crap I'm gonna have a kid fears were not a good combination.  I actually hit my breaking point earlier this week.  During weeks 35 and 36 I was crying at least once a day.  Some nights crying myself to sleep.  We are just so close and yet it feels so far away.  I asked my doctor at my 35 week appointment if I could start coming in twice a week to help lower my anxiety.  She has been offering extra appointments all pregnancy long and I finally took her up on the offer. I'm just worried I'm going to miss something.  I ended up going three times this past week.  On Tuesday I felt like Caroline wasn't moving around as much.  They had warned me that this was going to happen but when you've been through what we've been through...less movement scares that crap out of you.  She was moving but just less.  I called the doctor and they had me come in to see my nurse practitioner (My doctor had the afternoon off).  They were amazing.  They reassured me that I did the right thing by calling.  They were excited that everything looked normal.  My doctor even stopped by on her way to Target to check on me!  They were texting each other updates that I felt more movements and that the heartbeat looked great.  Their care for us is amazing.  We are so lucky to have such amazing doctors and nurses.  I've been doing MUCH better since then.

Philip and I have been spending our last couple of weekends going on dates.  We went to a museum last weekend and a nice dinner this weekend.  We've also been giving the dog lots of loving because his life is about to change too! Oh man he has no idea.  It should be interesting to see how he handles Caroline's arrival.  We have been practicing self control, "baby", and "off" with him.  I will update you as to how he handles the transition once she gets here.

This week (my doctor has approved this) my plan is to induce labor naturally.  I have an appointment at the hospital for medical inducement early next week.  I would however like her to come more natural.  It is weird knowing ahead of time what day you will be delivering a baby.  I just feels weird to plan something like this.  Sooooooooo  I'm going to attempt to walk this baby out!  I've been avoiding tons of walking until now because I get cramps and fake contractions.  Well bring them on!  I want all those fake pains to become real labor pains.  Zach is going really love having a stay at home mommy this week with how often he is going to get walked!  I may have to make a lemon dessert too.  Evidently in Charlottesville there is a cupcake place that has a lemon cupcake that some women swear induced labor.  Well I'm not driving to Charlottesville but I am willing to eat some lemon dessert...ya know if I'm forced to eat dessert and all ;)

Please pray for patience for us during the next week and for a safe complication free delivery next week.  It would be really really really really really really really nice to have an uncomplicated delivery after everything else we've been through.

Next week I will be holding my sweet baby girl.  It doesn't seem real.  Man life is going to change.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

36 weeks

37 weeks

Happy 4th Birthday Zach!

Love,

Megan

Doggie Approved

Today, 35 weeks!

Pregnancy Update  

I am 35 weeks today and feeling great!  The doctors said everything looks good, nothing new.   We are still looking at delivering during the first week of April when I am 38 weeks.   Philip and I have been busy taking some baby prep classes.  We took a two part newborn care and safety class, we took an infant an child CPR class, and I have a breastfeeding class that I am taking tomorrow.  The classes have been good because they have given Philip and I a chance to prepare for this whole parenting thing together.  I've finally started trying to wrap my head around the fact that we will have a baby in three weeks.  THREE WEEKS! I don't think that will totally sink in until Caroline is here.  Ya know maybe two weeks after she is here and she is crying and I'm trying to figure out what to do.  Then it may sink in that I can't just pass her back off to her parents...I will be her parent!  I can't wait :)  I had a lot of anxiety this past week regarding labor and delivery.  At this point if I go into labor they aren't stopping it, she's coming and I want her here ASAP so my fears of loosing her in utero can be put to rest.  However, the main thing the cardiologist said was we need to make sure her lungs are totally developed.  The heart defect alone we can deal with but underdeveloped lungs on top of that...not a good combo.  So I really want her to stay in until 37 weeks when she is considered full term.  Then she can come whenever she wants.  Needless to say when I had irregular contractions all Tuesday night (very normal at this stage in a pregnancy) I kinda freaked out at first.  My emotions were conflicted, some hoping to go into real labor and some thinking stay in stay in!  Well she is staying put for now which is good.  Check out my growing belly from this week.

33 weeks 5 days 

34 weeks 

34 weeks:  Zach are you excited about baby Caroline?

Baby Tour

Well Philip and I are feeling as prepared as anyone can hope to be to bring a baby home.  We have the stuff and it is all cleaned, organized, and put away.  The car seat is installed, the hospital bag is packed in the car, and the doggie has had the chance to sniff everything and approve.  While we wait for Caroline to get here we thought we would have Zach test everything.  Check out the photos of Caroline's room, her stuff, and Zach testing them out.

Look what I painted!

Here is the elephant in the bathroom.
I hot glued green ribbon around the edge.

Receiving blanket I made for Caroline.
Now she has a large blanket and a small blanket from mommy :)

He is all ready to go for a walk in the stroller!

Car ride anyone?

All packed and ready for the hospital.

Someone is stinky ;)

These shelves have a lot of special things on them.  The blue star mirror was a present from my Big in my sorority, I bought the believe sign right after we found out about her heart, the Caroline sign, Marie blocks, and large C were all presents at the baby shower, the duck was mine as a child, and the pink plaque that says "Why work when you can play?" was given to me by my dear roommate Liz who passed away 2 1/2 years ago.

Is somebody sleepy?

Zach's favorite place in the house.

All labeled and organized.
Note:  This is for the first year not just the first couple of months.  

Look what Mommy found for only $7.50 at a consignment sale!

Thank you Auntie Kathleenie!

Pack and Play/ Bassinet

Zach was not injured or hurt during the making of this blog post.  Like I've said before, he has put up with a lot this past year and is my perfect little furbaby.  Plus, we wanted him to have a chance to check out all the baby stuff that has been added to the house and taken over his spaces.

Have a great week!

Love,
Megan

Baby Shower!

Well I have been a Lady of Leisure for 2 weeks now.  I have accomplished quite a lot in the last two weeks.  The first couple of days flew by as I cleaned my house and hung out with friends and family in preparation for my baby shower.   While most of this post will be gushing over how amazing my shower was I figured I should start with a pregnancy update.  

Pregnancy Update

Today I am 33 weeks 5 days.  We have been to the doctor three times since my last post and had our third and final trip before I deliver to the cardiologist.  Caroline looks great!  Last week she was 4 pounds 3 ounces!  She has been head down for the last month and feet in my ribs for the past week.  She has been kicking and moving around so much that my tummy and ribs are sore!  From what they can tell she has a FULL head of hair (see picture below) which would explain my horrible acid reflex.  Seriously, I get it from water! Every time we have gone in they have caught her practicing fetal breathing (basically practicing using her lungs which makes them stronger).  She also keeps doing adorable things.  Two weeks ago as the ultrasound technician showed us a 3D image of Caroline we watched as she snuggled up, gave a big yawn and stretch, and had a look on her face of complete happiness and peacefulness.  My eyes teared up as I watched her do that.  Pregnancy is so weird because the first half you don't feel anything except yuckiness.  The second half you feel rolls and kicks but it is hard to connect those feelings with the fact that you will soon have a baby in your arms.  Watching Caroline snuggle up and look so happy filled our hearts with joy and made us even more excited for her to get here!  Phil's mom came with us this week to the doctor.  Caroline was being shy at first, putting her hands in front of her face, but then she moved them so her Grandma could see her.  We even saw her sucking on her hand!  The doctor thinks that she possibly tried to stick her thumb up her nose too.  Hmmmm we will have to work on that.  It meant a lot to Phil and me that his mom was able to see Caroline.  The other fabulous news was that the cardiologist saw nothing new on the echocardiogram.  At our second appointment he thought he had seen a small increase in regurgitation between the ventricles and the atria.  On Monday he saw NO increase.  He also said that everything else looks like it has developed completely normally!  It was great to have such a positive appointment with him.

A lot of people have asked me whether I can deliver naturally or will I have to have a c-section because of her heart defect.  Right now the plan is to deliver naturally.  They think her heart is strong enough to withstand a natural birth and everything should be fine.  What my doctor and I have talked about is that we are taking no chances.  If she flips and is no longer head down I will have a c-section.  If during labor her heart rate drops or there seems to be stress on her at all, c-section.  Basically I've told her I don't care what she does, just get this baby out of me alive and healthy.  I really don't want to have a c-section but what is most important is Caroline.  Her health trumps everything else.  

31 weeks 3 days...look at her opening her mouth!

BIG yawn!
31 weeks 3 days

HAIR!!!
30 weeks 5 days

Baby Shower

My best friends from college Jaimie, Jackie, and Blair were amazing and hosted my BEAUTIFUL shower at my home over President's Day weekend.  It was a long road for me to agreeing to have this shower.

After loosing Emily it was not easy to have stuff and a room ready for a baby and then having no baby.  My wonderful neighbors/bunco friends had thrown me a shower a week or two before I lost her.  My mom and I had gone out shopping and bought some adorable clothes.  The room was painted and the furniture was on its way.  Then we lost Emily.  Now I had a drawer filled with clothes that I would never be able to dress Emily in.  I had a few toys that she would never play with.  I had a room that she would never sleep in.  I had a heart that would always ache for her and arms that would never get to hold her again.  That sucked. Two months later (her due date month) I also had a chair, a dresser, and a crib.  That sucked even more. We put the dresser and chair in her room but left the crib in the box.  There was many a day that Zach (our dog) would get rocked in the chair or read to or just snuggled with while I cried.   Needless to say I didn't want any more stuff sitting around waiting for a baby to come along.  When we found out in August that I was pregnant again I sat in the baby's room even more.  I kept looking around and thinking, will we actually get to use this this time? During the hurricane in August we put together the crib.  It was great but it was also sad.  I had a hard time having it up.  Then we went to Italy.  I was able to get away from my fears and sadness and enjoy some quality time with Phil and experience an amazing adventure with him.  When we came back the baby's room no longer made me feel sad.  I was excited but still had nerves.

As the fall progressed Phil and I talked about it more and we decided that we could handle the baby shower.  Neither of wanted to deal with having a house full of even more baby stuff that wouldn't get used but we knew we couldn't live like that.  We were so excited for Caroline to get here and wanted to share that excitement with our family and friends.  This was another Emily fear that I was overcoming.  We lost Emily a week before my baby shower that my girlfriends were throwing last April.  Now I was going to agree to it again and a small part of me feared that I was going to loose Caroline a week before this shower.  I pushed those fears aside and called up my friends and told them I agreed to have a shower.  

WOW what an amazing shower they threw.  My dining room was turned into a onesie decorating room and my whole downstairs exploded with pink.  Pink flowers, pink decorations, pink gifts, pink punch, pink wine, pink cupcakes...poor Phil.  It was great to have Caroline's grandparents, old and new co-workers, Richmond friends, and close by family (Thank you Aunt Shelly, Danni, and Sarah from coming from the Hampton area!) all together celebrating.  I was really excited and surprised when my cousin Melanie called a week before the shower to tell me that she and her husband Jeremy were going to drive out from Indiana for the shower! Melanie is about 5 months older than me and she has been like a second sister my whole life.  She too is pregnant, about 6 weeks behind me.  It was killing us that we weren't going to get a chance to see each other while we were both pregnant.  Well with the nonexistent snow this winter Melanie and Jeremy were able to make the LOOONNNGGG drive from Indiana to Richmond.  About 30 minutes before the shower we had another surprise, Phil's grandmother, Aunt Nancy, and Uncle Darrell showed up!  We were so excited to have even more family there! All in all the shower was amazing.  It went by too quickly.  I wish I could have spent more time visiting with everyone.  Thank you to everyone that came and helped us celebrate Caroline.  Thank you to those who had a quick drive and those who had LONG drives.  Thank you to everyone for the love and support.  Thank you to Jaimie, Jackie, and Blair for putting together a beautiful baby shower that I will always treasure.  Ya'll are amazing :)

Love my friends :)

hmmmm ladies...why do I have veggie cups in my cabinet? 

My sister says that she loves all the pictures on my blog so here you go Kathleen...lots and lots of baby shower photos :)  If anyone else attended and has photos from my shower I would love copies of them.  Thanks!

Look at the ADORABLE diaper wreath Jaimie made!

Look at that fabulous food table!

Pink beverages!

Onesie decorating!  It was a HUGE hit!

A few of the adorable onesies!

Auntie Kathleen working hard on her onesie for Caroline

We were overwhelmed by our family
and friends excitement and generosity.

Caroline's Great Grandma Jeanne
made her two beautiful blankets.

I felt the need to model the adorable crab outfit.

Hello pink ruffle bathing suit!
 She is going to look so darn cute in it!

Clearly super excited

Pregnant ladies!

Leigh and I are only 3 weeks apart!

My cousin Melanie and I...6 weeks apart!

Goetz women :)
Melanie, Mom, Kathleen, and Me

Many of the friends and family that came to my shower :)