I didn’t share this before but the original plan was to start inducing me on April 1 around 4pm. It would be a slow induction over night and then the real stuff would get going on Monday. Caroline had other plans J
On Saturday morning Phil got up early and ran the Monument Avenue 10K which is a BIG Richmond tradition. I mean people dress-up in costumes for it! While he ran I slept in. I made sure to take the morning easy in the hopes of not going into labor while Philip was running. I didn’t go into labor and he did great in the race. We spent the rest of the day trying to not think about the next day. We went to a local garden center and bought some flowers to plant and did laundry. We also made a couple of videos for Caroline to tell her how excited we were about the next day.
For weeks now I have had fake contractions. They have never been consistent in timing or strength. All of a sudden around 6:30pm on Saturday I started having contractions. I was surprised because all we were doing was sitting on the couch watching TV. I decided to go finish folding laundry because in case these were real I didn’t want to come home to unfolded laundry. So Phil went with me and started timing the contractions. Hmmm they were consistent and quick! They were only 3.5 minutes apart. So we called the on-call doctor (Dr. Selman) and he said to come in. That was about 7:10pm. After taking a few moments to collect our things we were able to get to the hospital and were in our room around 7:50pm. On our way we called our parents to warn them that I may be in labor but we would let them know. We also made another video documenting the fake/real contractions. Around 8:10pm Dr. Selman came in and checked to see how far along I was. I was 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced! I WAS IN LABOR!!! Since my doctor was not on call he and I discussed our birth plan. It was pretty basic-have a living baby. If there was ANY sign of stress on her, even once, they would do a c-section. We also discussed the fact that NICU would be in the room for delivery and would probably take her to the NICU for observation and clearance from the cardiologist before giving her to us. As he looked at the contraction monitor he looked at me and said, “How are you laughing through that contraction?” I said, “Oh its not fun, but we are having a baby!” I was pretty excitedJ After Dr. Selman left we had a stream of hospital staff, nurses, etc. coming in to check us in and get things rolling. We called our parents, siblings, and a few extended family members in between all our visitors. Phil found the Caps hockey game on the TV because not much was going on. My nurse Peggy and I were getting to know one another and discussing labor. She was great! I really enjoyed talking to her. Around 9:10 Caroline’s heartbeat dropped. All of a sudden Peggy had me lying down, was calling in other nurses, putting oxygen on me, and having me lay on my side. She explained that during a larger contraction Caroline’s heartbeat had dropped and they were making sure it would come back up. It did. But that was the sign. She called Dr. Selman and the OR. I was having a c-section. Mind you we have only been here an hour and hardly had a chance to even tell anyone I was in labor and we were about to have a baby!
Caroline was born at 10:06pm. Philip got to hold her and put her up by my face. I couldn’t really see her but I was excited, though distracted by the c-section that was still going on. I did not realize how much you feel when you have a c-section. Not fun. Then the NICU nurses took her and Phil stayed with me in the OR. We ended up back in our room around 11. The NICU nurse said everything looked great and I could see her 3 hours after my surgery. 3 hours! What?! I asked if Phil could at least go and they said yes. He told me he would wait for me to go with him but I told him he should go. He was so excited. It killed me to wait those next couple of hours. My mom was in the room when I got back from surgery so at least I had company. But man I was pissed. I didn’t realize there would be such a long time between delivery and when I would get to see her. I was so jealous of Phil. When I finally got to see her I had to be wheeled in my bed to the NICU because I couldn’t sit up yet. I got to hold her for an hour. Then they made me leave for more post-op monitoring. I was frustrated but had to remember that I had just had major surgery. Philip got to stay. Grrrrr. I was so jealous of him! Phil was able to take my mom back to the NICU to meet Caroline and then when his parents arrived around 3am he took them.
Caroline stayed in the NICU until about 8pm on Sunday, April 1. They had to have a tech come and do an ultrasound, have the cardiologist review it, talk with us, talk with the pediatrician, talk with the NICU doctor, and have them all clear her to leave the NICU.
When we met with the cardiologist he said that yes she has an A/V canal defect but she looks strong and healthy. We are supposed to go see him at 3 weeks for another visit. We do NOT know when her surgery will be. Right now she is alive, strong, healthy, happy, and gaining weight. That is all that matters.
It was much easier when we got her back to her room. Now we didn’t need permission to visit our daughter. My sister and dad arrived on Sunday to meet her. We also had a steady stream of hospital and VA Women’s Center staff come and visit us. We have met A LOT of nurses and doctors over the past year. They were all so sweet to come and check on us. Nurses we met when I had Emily were able to meet Caroline. It felt so good to finally have a happy moment with them. They got to experience one of the best and one of the worst periods of our lives. It felt right to have them there. Phil commented that it was like a movie or something. Everything wrapping up all nice at the end.
On April 2, Caroline came home J I can not express how amazing it was to FINALLY bring our child home. We have had a room waiting for her for a long time. We've had a place in our hearts waiting even longer.
We have spent the past week spending time with Caroline and family. On Thursday Phil’s grandmother (Caroline’s Great Grandma!), his cousin, two aunts, and uncle all came from North Carolina for the day to meet Caroline. Phil’s siblings came for Easter weekend along with my sister and dad. Unfortunately my brother can’t make it until this coming weekend.
We have spent the past week spending time with Caroline and family. On Thursday Phil’s grandmother (Caroline’s Great Grandma!), his cousin, two aunts, and uncle all came from North Carolina for the day to meet Caroline. Phil’s siblings came for Easter weekend along with my sister and dad. Unfortunately my brother can’t make it until this coming weekend.
We had a wonderful first week filled with family time. We have both ignored most phone calls, texts, emails, etc. so that we could focus on our wonderful daughter. We will slowly start responding as we adjust to this whole parenting thingJ
Now it is just my mom, Caroline and I. Philip went back to work this week. My mom will leave next weekend. Then Phil is going to work from home for a week so I don’t have to be on my own until she is 3 weeks old.
Overall Philip, Caroline, and I are doing great! We are so in love. We can't stop staring at her, holding her, hugging and kissing her. We are also a little obsessed with taking photos. We just can't get enough! Philip says one of his favorite things is her hands. She has busy busy hands! She shows so much expression through them. During the past couple of days she has started focusing her eyes better. Now as I rock her, feed her, dance with her, she looks up into my face and smiles. Man I could stare at her doing that for forever. One of my favorite things she has already grown out of...at 10 days old! For the first couple of days she had a really cute and quiet cry. When she would get upset she would even soothe herself by crying a cry that sounded like "uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh." Now she has found her lungs and no longer does her uh-huh's. She is growing up so fast!
While it has been a wonderful week it has been a hard week too. Caroline and Emily look A LOT alike. A LOT A LOT alike. They have the same shaped head, same mouth, same shaped eyes and nose, same long fingers. It was difficult for me that first day. It felt weird calling her Caroline. I felt kinda detached because I had so little time with her. The NICU had taken some pictures of her and sent them to our room. I remember one of the nurses asking if this was my baby and I had to say, “I don’t know” because I had only held her for an hour in the dark of the NICU. It has also been hard because we are about to hit the one year mark of when I delivered Emily. My sadness surrounding this day is coming out in fears of loosing Caroline. I’ve had daily breakdowns where I just sit there rocking Caroline and sobbing. It doesn’t help that I’m coming off of pregnancy hormones and I’m sleep deprived. It is very hard to believe that there could be anything wrong with our perfect little daughter. Phil and I sat there in the NICU listening to the cardiologist and thinking, "How can there be anything wrong with something so perfect?" With Emily there was nothing I could do to save her. With Caroline it feels like we have the chance to save her if something goes wrong, if we notice it. I have asked just about every doctor, “What are signs that something is wrong with her heart?” I have to remember what the cardiologist explained. That it won’t be something instantaneous. It will be gradual and we will know. Still, it doesn’t take away the fear. Love, fear, grief, and hormones are a wicked combination. Phil and my mom and being incredibly supportive as I battle them.
I am so in love with Philip as a father. He is amazing with her. It comes so natural to him. You just have to see him in the same room with her and you know he is in love. He has helped me so much. I think he has changed more poopy diapers than me! He has bathed her more than I have that's for sure. That first week all I had the energy for was to recover from the c-section and to feed Caroline. Now that he is back at work I'm slowly taking on more things on my own.
I’m really glad my mom is here. She helped us soooo much the first week as we tried to figure everything out. Now that it’s just her and I she is helping to take care of me while I take care of Caroline. She makes sure I’m eating, drinking water, and resting. She is also doing our laundry and cooking. I also make sure she gets plenty of Grandma snuggles. I love my mommy J I hope I can have a wonderful mother/daughter relationship with Caroline like I have with my mom.
Zach is adjusting well. He does not like it when she cries. He now has his bed next to her pack-n-play in our room and he has a bed in her room. He gets up with me for every feeding. He stares at me until she is calmed down if she is crying and then he sleeps while she eats. When he gets home from walks he runs around the house until he can find her and check on her. He likes to nap wherever she is napping. When we get home from someplace he doesn't want to see us, he wants to see that she is with us. He is gentle when he gets near and he doesn't lick her to death...which we won't allow anyway. He is a good big brother
Caroline's first outing was to Easter Sunday church. It felt right to have her first outing (well other than a 4 day old Dr. appt.) was to church. And Easter Sunday at that! She slept right through the entire service. We were there 20 minutes early and it didn't matter...she kept sleeping. The pastor's "teaching time" this week hit very close to home. He opened with having you think about your very worst moment in life and then imagining it becoming your very best. He was talking about how the women who came to Jesus's tomb were having the very worst day and when they found out Jesus was alive it was now the very best. Philip and I just looked at each other and held hands during the sermon. I of course cried. Our very worst moment was loosing Emily. But, if we had not lost Emily then Caroline would not be here. For us our very worst truly has become our very best.
Right now Caroline is sleeping peacefully while I type. She is working hard to be a little milk monster (my nickname for her because she likes to have milk dribble down her face) and get chubby little cheeks. She is sooo precious!
We are welcoming HEALTHY visitors. Just please contact me before coming over to make sure it is a good time. Thank you :)
We have taken a TON of pictures. I have included a small sampling below but I have put more plus the videos Philip and I made onto a shutterfly share site. I have password protected the site. If you would like the password, just ask me or request it on the site. So far I have only had time to go through the hospital pictures and Easter pictures. I hope to add other photos in the coming days. http://noakesnest.shutterfly.com/
Being a Mommy is wonderful but exhausting. My favorite moments are when it is just Caroline and I. She is amazing. I can’t wait for all that is to come in the future J
Love,
Megan
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| On the way to Easter service. |
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| I was perfect at church! |
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| Happy Easter :) |
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| Look what the stork brought us! |
