29 weeks 1 day

29 weeks 1 day was the point in my pregnancy with Emily that we found out we had lost her.  It is a day that has haunted me for the past 10 months.  I quickly figured out with this pregnancy when I would be 29 weeks 1 day and it has sat in the back of my mind all pregnancy long.  Will we make it that far again? Will I lose another child at that point? Even the days and events leading up to the day that we lost Emily have haunted me.  I was nervous the day that I started making Baby "C"'s blanket because when I did that for Emily, I lost her.  I was relieved that bunco fell on a different weekend because I had been out with my lovely neighbors playing bunco and feeling Emily kick me the night before we lost her.  I didn't wear a dress I had worn the week before we lost Emily.  Yes it may be superstitious but I don't care.  You associate weird things to emotional and traumatic events.  Well I am happy to say that I have completed Baby "C''s blanket, I have played bunco, I plan on wearing that dress this week, and Baby "C" is kicking up a storm thank you very much :)  Oh and by the way, I am now 30 weeks 2 days!!!!!!!!

While those and many other things make me think of Emily I refuse to let them hold me back.  In fact I'm doing quite the opposite.  I decided within days of delivering Emily that I still wanted to make her blanket.  All I had been able to do was cut all the fabric the morning we lost her.  I wasn't going to let it just sit there.  I wanted to still make it for her, for me, for Phil.  It is beautiful and something Phil and I treasure.  While making her blanket I decided that this was something that was incredibly therapeutic for me and something that I wanted to share with other mothers of stillborn babies.  So I have been busy making receiving blankets to donate to St. Mary's hospital.  Phil and I delivered my first 4 the week before we went to Italy.  The evening of 29 weeks 1 day for Baby "C" Phil and I went to back to the hospital but for a happy reason.  We delivered 4 more blankets.  It felt so good to be able to walk around the labor and delivery ward and not be a patient.  One of the nurses even gave us a private tour of the Mother/Infant wing because we hadn't gotten that far in our birthing classes with Emily.  St. Mary's is so amazing.  It was great to be able to ask questions specific to Baby "C" and her health concerns and to be open about our emotions regarding our memories there of Emily.  For example, we didn't have to go anywhere near the room I delivered her in.  I don't know if I will ever be able to go back to that room.  In fact if that is the only room available when I am in labor this time then I'm going to refuse to go in there.  I will sit in the hall and labor out there if I have to.  Hmm maybe I can kick another pregnant lady out of her room.  I'm kidding, kinda.

My doctor has been amazing through all of this.  We spend most of my appointment time discussing my emotional state.  It means so much to me that she is understanding of my emotions.  She constantly reassures me that I can come in whenever I want to get checked on.  She especially emphasized this when she knew 29 weeks 1 day was coming up.  I felt at ease knowing that I could just show up, hear her heartbeat really quick, and then be on my merry way.  Luckily I didn't feel the need to do that :)  I heart Dr. Tyson :)

Speaking of doctors I had another appointment last week.  Everything is looking great!  The main yucky thing about last week was that my glucose test came back elevated so I had to go back for a second test, a 3 hour long test.  UGH!  Luckily those test results came back NEGATIVE!  Thank goodness because I didn't want to add gestational diabetes to my list of pregnancy "fun".

The last thing I wanted to share is a little news we have..... Baby "C"'s name!  The top guesses have been Catherine, Caroline, Charlotte, and Claire.  Well drum roll please.........Baby "C''s name is...........

wait for it

wait for it

wait for it

wait for it

Caroline Marie Noakes!!!!!

We love the name because it is soft, feminine, and traditional.  Since this post is already kinda long I will share how we decided on her name and the fun ways we told our families at Christmas in a later post :)

Phil and I can't wait to hold our sweet Caroline in 8 weeks!

Love,
Megan

I made this to hang on Caroline's wall.
Painted wooden letters glued onto framed fabric. 

29 weeks 6 days

29 weeks 6 days

Some of the blankets I made.  The front is patchwork and the back is fuzzy.

Another blanket.  I forgot to take a picture of the fourth one.
I roll up each blanket and tie it with a ribbon.
Then I tuck in a hand written note to the mother.