Distractions

Well we have entered the third trimester and Baby Noakes is doing great!  She is quite a mover!  At a work meeting last Monday we all stopped and watched my stomach for a minute because it looked like waves moving across my stomach.  It was crazy!  Starting this week I will see my doctor on a weekly basis.  We have also seen the pediatric cardiologist and the pediatric cardiologist surgeon.  After I've gone to all my appointments this week I will post a medical update.  Right now all I know is that as long as everything stays stable I should be delivering the first week of April.  So that means we are only ten weeks away from baby!

When I realized earlier this week that we are only 10 short weeks till baby I was a little shocked and had the epiphany that I haven’t done very much to actually get ready for her!  Instead I’ve been focusing on house projects.  I think I’ve been doing this in order to distract myself from the fact that I’m pregnant and all the fears that are stewing right below the service.  Thus Philip and I have been super busy!  

Here are the projects we have worked on the past two months:

• Master Bathroom
• Paint
• New floor
• 2 new faucets
• New toilet seat
• New décor including a valance, bath rug, and basket
• Guest Bathroom/Kid Bathroom
• Paint
• New faucet
• New toilet seat
• New décor including valance (that I made!), bath rug, shower organizer and art
• Custom shelves in kitchen (That we made!)
• Created a craft space

Philip has had to do a lot of this because it involves painting or some installations that I can’t do because my tummy gets in the way ;)  He has been so supportive and patient with me.

I’ve also been doing a bunch of crafts getting ready for the baby.  I've made Baby Noakes a blanket, an elephant stuffed animal, and some artwork for her room. Through all these house and baby projects I’ve become ridiculously excited for baby Noakes to get here.J 

Most of my inspiration for all the baby and house projects has come from pinterest.  In honor of my love for pinterest the rest of the blog is all about the DIY projects we’ve been doing around the house.  I've loved getting our nest ready for Baby Noakes and I can’t wait to bring baby Noakes home in 10 weeks!

Master Bathroom--new paint, floor, toilet seat,
faucets, valance, and bath mat.

Sad, empty space in Kitchen BEFORE.

AFTER! Awesome Craigslist furniture find, new baskets and
knobs, and custom made shelves.

Guest Bathroom/Kid Bathroom:  New Paint, faucet, toilet seat,
bath mat, and valance (that I made!)  I also have some artwork in progress.

I'm super proud of my valance :)
I made this out of a full length curtain.

Zach all snuggled up with the elephant and blanket I made.

Baby Noakes room :)

I cut animals out of scrapbook paper to make my dollar store
bins cuter.  I'm going to laminate the animals and Velcro
them on the bins so Baby Noakes can pull them off and move them around if she wants.

Close up of two of the animals.  I also made an elephant, turtle,
monkey, bird, butterfly, crab, and giraffe.

We put a vinyl alphabet up around part of her room.

We haven't found a mirror yet to put over the changing
table/dresser.

 

27 weeks!

27 weeks...notice anything special in the background??? I made that too :)

Today, 28 weeks 2 days. 

Sorry the photos kinda stink....they are almost all from my cell phone.


Remember, be on the lookout for a medical update later this week.

Love, 

Megan

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

24 weeks 1 day...growing belly :)

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas!  Philip and I spent Christmas down in North Carolina with his family.  We went shopping, played games, sang carols, chatted, and ate waaaaayyyy too much food.  The day after we returned, my family came to Richmond to celebrate Christmas.  We took them on part of the Tacky Light Tour here in Richmond (google it if you have no idea what I’m talking about), went shopping, hung out, and continued eating tons of food.  My newest craving is super healthy…chili cheese hot dogs Yuuuuummm.  All in all we had an amazing time with family.  

Christmas morning.  

Richmond Tacky Light Tour

We also celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary on December 29th!  

Baby girl has been VERY active as we enter week 25 today!  She let all her aunts and uncles feel her kick.  It means so much to us how excited our siblings are to meet their niece.  

One special thing we were able to do was invite my parents to my 24 week doctor’s appointment.  Their visit coincided with my appointment so it only seemed right to invite them along.  This was one of our best appointments, nothing new to report!  No news is good news right now.  My parents were amazed to be able to see her moving and see her spine, ribs, feet, etc.  They were also able to see what I’ve been trying to explain about the hole in baby Noakes heart.  It is always so amazing to me that we can literally see the valves in her heart opening and closing.  We were even able to see her move her tongue as she swallowed and breathed out the amniotic fluid.  As long as there are no more new developments my specialist thinks that I will be induced the first week of April (38 weeks) unless baby Noakes decides to come earlier.  We are hoping she doesn’t do that though because earlier could mean not fully developed lungs and that in conjunction with her heart issues would not be good.  So come on April!

I think that our ultrasound Thursday was number 9 and we still didn’t have a good profile/face shot of baby Noakes.  Every time we have gone in she has hidden her face or was facing away.  Well baby Noakes FINALLY cooperated and let us see her face!  Our specialist then used a new feature to their ultrasound machines, 4D ultrasounds!  Normally they don’t do them because they consider them "entertainment ultrasounds" but we were lucky enough to get a few pictures of her face!!!  If it is possible, being able to see our daughter's face made us even more excited for her to get here!

24 weeks 4 days :)

She is snuggled up against my uterus on the left and her hand is up on the right.

We celebrated New Year's in Richmond with a Mad Men themed party hosted by our friends Leigh and Matt.  We had a great time with friends and smoking candy cigarettes.

New Year's Eve 2011

We are so excited for the amazing blessings that 2012 will bring.  We wish you all a very blessed and Happy New Year!!!

Love,

Megan

PS Here are a few shots of our house all decked out for Christmas.  

Dining Room

Thank you pinterest for this fabulous idea!
Ribbon  on pantry doorand Christmas cards taped on.

O Christmas tree O Christmas tree

Nativity tree. 

Kitchen centerpiece I whipped up one evening.

Zach's girlfriend.

Lessons of the Heart

Zach already loves baby girl!

I highly recommend that if you do not know the basic anatomy of the heart that you read the information I provide towards the bottom of this post.  It will help you better understand what you are about to read.

  

Two weeks ago at our 20 week ultrasound Phil and I found out from our Maternal Fetal Specialist (MFS) that she thought baby Noakes might have a small hole in her heart.  She had us wait two weeks to see how the heart developed and then she did another ultrasound at 22 weeks (this past Monday) and confirmed that she still saw a small hole.  On Tuesday we saw a Pediatric Cardiologist.  He also confirmed the hole in the heart and diagnosed it as an endocardial cushion defect.  It is an overarching term with a bunch of different subcategories under it.  He didn’t want to place her into one category because he said that he doesn’t want us to focus on the diagnosis.  He said that just because something is diagnosed as something doesn’t mean that is the prognosis.  What baby girl does have is a small hole in her septum.  It starts in the bottom part of the atriums and extends a tiny bit into the top part of the ventricles.  Because at this stage in development her heart is only about the size of a thumbnail the cardiologist couldn’t tell us what type of defects there are with the valves.  What he could tell us was that he is seeing a tiny bit of leakage back into the atrium.  

What does this mean? 

• It means our daughter has a congenital heart defect. 

Will surgery be necessary to repair the defect?

• Yes surgery is necessary.  Sometime in the first year she will have to have open heart surgery to repair her heart.

Thank you Terrell for this outfit!
It made me laugh outloud.
You know me so well :)

When will her surgery be?

• She will determine when her surgery will be.  While all babies are in utero the mother does most of the work for their heart.  After they are born their body takes over the workload.  If she has trouble breathing, sustaining weight gain, or has abnormal pressures in her heart then those are signs that it is time for the surgery.  

Why doesn’t she have surgery right away?

• While they can do surgery right away they prefer not to because they would like the heart to develop more.  They have found that they usually have better long term prognosis if they wait.

What is the prognosis?

• The cardiologist said that prognosis will be determined by the success of the surgery.  So basically we won’t know the long term effects until after the surgery.  After the surgery he will be able to give us a better idea of whether she will have to have more surgeries in the future and if there are any other long term after effects.

What is the survival rate for the surgery?

• He said that there is about the same mortality rate for this surgery as there is for an appendectomy.  However, if there are any complications or infections (like with any surgery) then there can be an increased chance of side effects.  

Where will the surgery take place?

• She will have surgery at UVA

Will I be able to deliver her normally?

• Yes. 

Does this mean she has some other type of disability?

• No.  However if you know much about disabilities you may know that this type of heart defect is often associated with Down syndrome.  This does NOT mean that she has Down syndrome.  We actually did a bunch of screenings earlier in the pregnancy and they all came back with very low probability.  There still is a very small chance the she could have down syndrome (1 in 2 thousand some chance) that could be confirmed with an amniocentesis. We do not want an amniocentesis.  We are fine knowing that there is a very small chance and finding out for sure at birth.  

This is what we know right now.  Every day we are coming up with more questions.  We will know more after we meet with the surgeon, after baby Noakes is born, and after she has surgery. 

How are we doing?

It has been a tough week.  It has been a lot to process.  We are still processing.  We are starting to get used to this whole idea of having faith in God in the face of all our challenges.

The main things I think about are moments.  The moment I get to hold my daughter is my number one moment.  Actually my first question for my doctor was will I be able to hold my daughter after I deliver her?  She said yes.  I wasn’t sure what she would say because I didn’t know whether she would have to be whisked away to surgery or NICU right after I delivered her.  That should not be the case.  Holding my living, breathing daughter for the first time is something I can’t wait for.  I ache for it. 

It is amazing how so many of the fears that I had projected onto this pregnancy, because of our experience with Emily, have dissipated. All pregnancy long I have been very focused on getting past 29 weeks (when we lost Emily).  Now I KNOW that we will.  I KNOW that I will deliver this baby.  I KNOW that I will hold my living child in my arms.  

The moments that I try not to think about are things like possibly having to explain to her that she has a boo boo on her heart that needs to be fixed or later on that she had a boo boo on her heart that was fixed and that is why she has a mark on her chest. I dread the moment I have to walk away from her or see her taken away from me to go into surgery.  That is all too close to our final moment with Emily.  I fear the moment the doctor comes out of surgery to tell us what happened.  Will I have to hear that I’ve lost another child?  I just don’t know if I can handle that.  Tears will be streaming either way. 

I fear missing a sign that something is wrong either before or after the surgery and not getting her to the doctor in time.  I am worried about long term neurological effects of the surgery if something goes wrong.  I have a lot of fears. 

When we first found out a few weeks ago I was angry.  I felt like we deserved to have an easy pregnancy.  After all we’ve already been through now we have this that we will have to deal with for the rest of our lives?! That she will have to deal with her whole life!  It didn’t seem fair.  Now somehow I have peace with it.  Don’t get me wrong, it stinks.  It stinks really bad.  But I have peace.  Anger will get me nowhere.  Anger won’t make her heart better.  Anger won’t make this easier.  So instead I choose to inform myself with what we will be facing and to be positive about the future.  Most of all I choose to have faith in the future and in God’s plan.  

I want to celebrate this baby.  Yes she may have a heart defect.  That doesn’t make her any less in my eyes.  She is our child.  She is wonderful.  She is perfect.

Please join Phil and me in being positive and excited about our child.  The last thing we need is pity for everything we have gone through and will go through.  We would prefer to surround ourselves with love, faith, hope, and strength.  

We are excited about our daughter and can’t wait to meet her in a few short months!

BASIC ANATOMY OF THE HEART

How the Heart Works

Do you know basic heart anatomy?  Well neither did we until this past week.  Here is a very basic explanation in my words of how the heart works. I think I got everything right but there is a good chance I didn't explain something correctly.  

The heart is divided into 4 chambers.  The chambers are divided vertically by a muscular wall called the septum.  It is divided horizontally by valves. 

Here is how blood flows through the heart:

Unoxygenated blood flows from the BodyàRight AtriumàRight VentricleàPulmonary ArteryàLungs which makes the blood oxygenatedàLeft AtriumàLeft VentricleàAortaàoxygenated blood flows into the body

There are various valves within the heart the only ones you need to know about are the tricuspid valve and the mitral valve.  The tricuspid valve is between the right atrium and right ventricle.  The mitral valve is between the left atrium and the left ventricle.  

To learn more about the heart try reading these websites:

Cincinnati Children's Hospital

Children's Hospital of Philadelphia

Web Book about the heart and defects

Endocardial Cushion Defect

 An endocardial cushion defect is a congenital heart defect. It is sometimes called an Atrioventricular canal defect or an AV canal defect.  When a heart has an endocardial cushion defect it means that some portion of the septum is missing.  That means that part of the wall that divides the left and right side of the heart is missing.  With this type of defect there is also some affect on the tricuspid valve and the mitral valve.  Sometimes there is a small notch or bend in the valve that makes it so some of the blood that is supposed to flow from the atrium into the ventricle squirts back into the atrium instead of staying in the ventricle.  This is because the valve can’t completely close because of the bend.  The extent of how much of the septum is missing and the affect on the valves differs case by case.  

To learn more about endocardial cushion defects try reading these websites:

Children's Hospital of Philadelphia 

Cincinnati Children's Hospital --- great flash explanation

University of Maryland Medical Center

Video explanation of endocardial heart defect

Children's Hospital of Boston

Love,

Megan

Christmas Faith

So today when I was driving home from work one of my all time favorite Christmas songs/hymns was playing, O Holy Night.  The main reason I love this song is because of how it was used in the Christmas Eve mass at the church I went to in high school.  The whole Christmas Eve mass was done in lower lighting with lots of candles.  Then, after Communion, one of the lead soloists would walk down the center aisle dressed as Mary, holding a baby, and singing O Holy Night.  When she got to “fall on your knees” she would turn around and they would put a light on her and she would sing the rest of the song at the front of the church and the choir would chime in during the second verse.  It was always moving and beautiful.  It really made you remember what Christmas is all about. 

Well as I sat there driving home hearing this song I started thinking about hearing that song at church and imagining myself walking in her shoes and the faith that Mary must have had and my own faith.  Luckily I had just pulled into the Kroger parking lot so I was able to safely sit in my car crying for a few minutes. 

I struggle daily to have faith in God’s plan.  It has not been easy grieving for the loss of one child while celebrating another one on the way...especially during the Christmas season.  The day after we found out that we are having another girl I sat in the baby’s room holding a picture of Emily, holding her stuffed lamb and crying and rocking in the rocking chair.  I cried because I missed Emily and ache to hold her in my arms.  I cried because I was excited about our next child.  I cried because I felt guilty for crying.  I cried until I fell asleep.  Then I was okay. 

The night before our 20 week appointment I broke down sobbing uncontrollably.  I had started reliving what happened with Emily and became fearful of that happening with this baby.  I was worried I would have to have two urns, I was worried I was never going to have a daughter, I was worried that once again all my friends that are pregnant were going to have their children and we would still be left without any children.  Like I said, I struggle daily to have faith in God’s plan. 

Today as I sat in my car crying (man I sound like I cry a lot!  I really don’t...I’m actually quite excited and happy most of the time but anyway) I started thinking about the faith that Mary must have had and my own faith.  She was told by an angel that she was pregnant with the son of God.  That’s a lot of pressure.  I mean can you imagine the guilt she must have felt when she gave into pregnancy cravings?  Mary had to have faith that God would take care of her and her baby and that the world would believe her and not think that she was cheating on Joseph.  For my own faith I have to believe that God took Emily home for a good reason and that I may never know what that reason is.  I also have to have faith that this child will be okay.  She will be a strong, healthy, happy child.

I’m going to try to remember this Christmas season that I am not the first pregnant woman who has had to put her faith in God.  I and all pregnant women have had to waddle in faith with God.  We all have had our fears of pregnancy, birth, and parenthood. 

As I type this baby girl is moving around fluttering in my tummy J  Every time I feel her move it reminds me of how amazing God’s gifts are.  It reminds me to have faith in him. 

Love,

Megan

It's a...

So between our 16 week and 20 week appointments we’ve had two ultrasound technicians and my maternal fetal specialist confirm and reconfirm that the baby is a GIRL!  You may have also been able to tell this if you follow my pinterest page ;)

Philip and I are soooo excited.  Just like with Emily, finding out the gender of the baby made this pregnancy much more real.  When we found out at 16 weeks it was probably the most at ease that I’ve been all pregnancy.  I’ve finally been able to relax and be excited.  I think it is what spurred me to go into the crazy organization mode over the past few weeks. 

In addition to the excitement it has also been quite emotional finding out that it was another girl.  It took us a day or two to process that we were having another girl.  Just wrap our heads around it you know?  It’s times like this that it is particularly difficult to be rejoicing in our child while still grieving for the loss of Emily.  It’s a weird position to be in. 

One of the things I’ve done to mentally distinguish between the two pregnancies (I’ve been pregnant for over a year now!) is make a pregnancy scrapbook.  I’ve included below what I wrote for the scrapbook about finding out the gender of the baby and how we told the grandparents. Also, check out photos of the scrapbook at the bottom!

Mommy and Daddy were lucky enough to find out early that you were going to be a girl.  We were so excited when we found out!  We went out and bought your first outfit, a sleepy outfit with pink and white stripes and elephants on it.  We were able to tell all your Grandparents together later that week because all six of us went to the Wake Forest/Notre Dame football game.  Mommy walked downstairs in a black shirt with a pink ribbon around her belly.  Everyone was surprised and soooo excited.  Your GMa was especially surprised that we had already found out your gender.  She was at a loss for words.  Your Grandma Karrenbauer on the other hand knew that we had found out and had been trying to trick it out of Mommy all week but Mommy kept it a secret until she could tell her in person.  It was so special to Mommy and Daddy to tell all your grandparents together and in person that you were a baby girl.

After we told the grandparents we called all the aunts, uncles, and great-grandparents the exciting news. 

Another thing I’ve done this pregnancy is decorate my tummy for different holidays.  For Halloween she was a jack-o-lantern, for Thanksgiving she was a turkey, and for Christmas she will be a…hmm you will just have to wait and see. Check out photos of her outfits below!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!  I will post again soon.  

Love,

Megan

This is how we told the grandparents the baby's gender :)

(I'm almost 17 weeks here)

Our Little Turkey!

(I'm 19 1/2 weeks here)

    

Scrapbook thus far...

Sprucing up the Nest

This Mama is in major nesting mode.  Since I blogged last we've:

• Cleaned and reorganized the garage
• Cleaned and reorganized every closet in the house
• Cleaned and reorganized all the bathroom vanities
• Cleaned and reorganized all the kitchen cabinets
• Reorganized all our dressers
• Reorganized attic
• Made a pregnancy scrapbook
• Organized a memory box full of pictures into albums

Phew, I’m tired!  We are getting a new fridge tomorrow and I can’t wait to organize it too!  This is rather sad I know but it feels great to purge and organize.  Phil has been very supportive of my nesting.  He has helped me out with most of it and even put up with me making him go through every one of his shirts and decide which ones to give away and which ones to keep.  In my defense, a few of his shirts in the closet were over 10 years old. 

In other baby news we found out the gender a few weeks ago!  As I explained in my previous post I’m considered a “high risk” pregnant lady which means we have monthly ultrasounds to make sure everything is developing correctly.  Good to see the baby, bad that I worry each time I go in that something may be wrong.  I just lay there waiting to see the heartbeat and to find out if the placenta looks healthy.  Then a few tears of relief escape when they say everything is looking good.  Anyway, because we have these monthly ultrasounds we found out the gender 4 weeks early.  We’ve been telling friends when we see them but I’m not ready to put it out in blog/facebook land until we’ve had it confirmed at our next appointment in a week.  So look out for a baby gender post next week!

Overall I’m feeling fabulous.  All my previous symptoms are gone.  I can’t believe that I'm 19 weeks which means that I will be half way done next week!  

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and look for a gender post soon J

Love,

Megan

Our lovely Halloween pumpkins.

The baby dressed up as a pumpkin for his/her 1st Halloween!  I will be doing this for every holiday between now and when the baby is born.  I'm 16 weeks in this picture.

Zach the hot dog did a great job handing out candy for Halloween.

18 weeks---Phil took me out on a fancy date so I squeezed into a non maternity dress.  

Long time no blogging

Well hello again!  It has been quite awhile since I last blogged.  I haven’t really been sure what to blog about.  Phil and I were very busy all summer.  All our friends and family helped to make sure we had plans just about every weekend J  We truly feel blessed to have such an amazing support system around us.  It is about 6 ½ months since I delivered Emily.  A day doesn't go by that we don’t think about her yet each day it gets easier.  We've also had some exciting things to help distract us.  Like going to Italy for 10 days and finding out that I’m pregnant again!  

I'M PREGNANT!

We found out I was pregnant on August 4.  I was home alone when I found out.  I didn't believe it at first.  I just walked around the house crying with disbelief that I could get pregnant again so quickly.  I thanked God a lot and prayed for a healthy pregnancy.  I also talked to Emily.  I told her how much I loved her and how excited I was to be pregnant again (Part of me felt guilty for feeling so excited so I felt the need to explain it to her...yes that is crazy sounding but I don't care).  

With the two other pregnancies I would wake Philip up saying "I'm pregnant!" so it took him a few minutes to figure out what I was saying.  This time I told him when he got home from work.  I told him I was having a tough day so I wrote a letter to our future baby.  I ended the letter saying, "Today August 4, 2011, God answered our prayers with you."  He just looked at me and smiled and hugged me.  It was scary and amazing all at one time.  

48 hours later we were heading to the beach with Phil's family.  We ended up telling ALL his family then.  Part of the reason was because his aunt looked at me when we were alone and asked, "Are you pregnant?"  I said, "Why do you ask?" "Because I had a dream 3 weeks ago that you are and you were wearing a black dress when you told me."  I was wearing a black dress that day.  Well after that the cat was out of the bag and we told everyone.  It was great to share our joy with all of them.  Then later that week I was able to share it with my family when I went to visit my parents. 

ITALY

Italy was a lot of fun but has a slight first trimester yuckiness haze over the trip.  If you would like to see photos of the trip, click on the link below.  I captioned most of the photos on the site.   We went to Rome for 4 days and the Cinque Terre for 3 days.  Rome was a go go go atmosphere because there is SO much to see and do.  The Cinque Terre was very relaxing exploring the five small fishing villages there.   

http://noakesnest.shutterfly.com/

LIFE AFTER ITALY

We came back from Italy refreshed and ready to tackle another pregnancy.  We are really excited about this baby.  We’ve had 4 ultrasounds already and I’m only 15 weeks along!  Needless to say I am well monitored.  I’m also well medicated.  I’m on extra vitamins, baby aspirin, and hypothyroid medicine (a new development this time around, yay).  Hopefully all this monitoring and medicines (7 a day!) will help make this a successful pregnancy.  We are very positive about it but also realistic.  We realize with any pregnancy there is a chance that something can go wrong.  We are just focusing on loving this baby as much as possible while we have him or her.  I don’t think either of us will feel completely confident until we are holding our baby in our arms. 

I will say it has been nice to have the monthly ultrasounds though nerve racking.  It is too early to feel the baby move so it is reassuring each month to still see a heartbeat.  Having an ultrasound was how we found out with my first pregnancy that I was going to miscarry and with Emily how we found out that her heart had stopped beating.  Basically we have a love/hate relationship with ultrasounds.   

We should find out after Thanksgiving the sex of the baby.  We can’t wait!  If it is a girl the room is all set.  If it is a boy we have new curtains and bedding already picked out (I’m a planner).  We are soooo excited to welcome this little one come April!

Well that is all for now.  I will try to start updating on a weekly basis.  Have a wonderful week!

Love,

Megan

15 weeks!  Still pretty tiny but just starting to show :)

11 weeks

Just found out I'm pregnant! (well 48 hours beforehand)