Livin' on a Prayer

Earlier tonight at the hospital.

After being home since Friday night (6/15) we are now back at the hospital and Caroline will be having surgery soon.  We aren't sure when.  Possibly Friday? Most likely next week.  We don't know.  We will know more tomorrow morning.


Since we last chatted...
Caroline did great at home.  Phil and I were starting to feel confident about checking to make sure her tube was in the right place.  We had to learn how to do an air bolus---use a syringe filled with air that you push in her tube.  At the same time you put a stethoscope on her stomach and listen for a woosh or pop sound.  Yes we have a stethoscope! We had one night where the sound sounded different and we freaked out a bit but it was all okay.  We worked on doing massive amounts of laundry and getting all the medical supplies organized and cute looking. We also bought Caroline an awesome mobile.  Man she loves that thing!

We had a great weekend at home.  Phil took Caroline and Zach to the park on Saturday and I had a much needed spa day.  I had scheduled the spa day weeks ago but it ended up being really good timing.  I needed that after 4 days at the hospital.  On Father's Day Caroline and I took Philip out to lunch at Taco Bell (his favorite food place).  Later on we went on a long walk at the park with Zach.  It was great!  Caroline and I gave Philip a framed picture of the two of them, a book with her handprints and room to put her handprints every year on Father's Day, a corney "World's Best Dad" mug, and two kids book about loving Daddy.  

Happy Father's Day!  yuuummm Taco Bell

We have been determined to not let this tube run our lives.  Mommy and Caroline have even gone shopping and out to lunch this week!  

We met our home nurse who comes by 3 times a week.  She is great!  It has been reassuring to know that we have additional support.  


New Developments
Our home nurse noticed on Monday that Caroline was pulling some in her chest to breathe.  Look at the picture below to know what I mean.  On Tuesday I still saw it so I decided to take her into the pediatrician.  The pediatrician called the cardiologist to discuss what she was seeing with him.  Basically the pulling in her chest was a sign that she is having difficulty breathing.  We have increased her food in order to help her gain weight but the increase in food is too much for her little body to handle.  Thus, she is laboring more to breathe.  We don't want to back down on the amount of food she is given because she needs that food in order to thrive.  Actually what we were officially admitted to the hospital last week under was "Failure to Thrive".  The cardiologist had us up her medications to see if that helped.  And we were told that this means that it is time for surgery.  Like the cardiologist has been saying all along, Caroline will let us know when she is ready.  

Normal breathing when we first got home last week.

This week.  You can see the definition between her ribs and belly.
That is the  pulling/labored breathing.

You can see it here too.  Also, look how much she loves her mobile!

Today despite the increase in medications Caroline was still laboring to breathe.  I took her back into the pediatrician who said that Caroline was slightly worse than yesterday.  She wanted us to go home and pack and she would talk to the cardiologist and the hospital and get us admitted.  While I was packing she called to say that we needed to go see the cardiologist.  They didn't know whether they wanted to admit us directly to UVA's hospital in Charlottesville (about an hour from our house) where she will be getting the surgery or the local hospital.  I was now told to pack like we were going for surgery which will be 5-10 days. I just started throwing stuff into bags and into the car.  I was scared.  Going to UVA already meant things were bad or that surgery was going to be in the next day or two.  Once we got to the cardiologist we were seen by one of the doctors in the practice (our doctor was at UVA for his weekly meeting with the surgery team).  She was pleased with Caroline's numbers and even considered not admitting us to the hospital.  Phil and I expressed our desire to readmit her because we are nervous and don't want to miss something.  She then did an ultrasound of Caroline's heart.  She noticed that most of her blood flow is going through the right side and not the left side of the heart.  That means blood is mainly going to her lungs and not as much out of her heart an into her body.  She thinks this will be fine after surgery but it is just another thing to add to the mix.  She agreed to admit her to St. Mary's Hospital in Richmond.  Caroline is admitted under the labels "Failure to Thrive" and "Congestive Heart Failure".  Basically we have upped her medications as much as possible and she is getting fed by a tube.  There really isn't much more they can do other than surgery. Our cardiologist should be by tomorrow and let us know the plan for surgery.  We think we may be getting medically transported to UVA tomorrow, we are not sure.  Long story short, Caroline needs her heart surgery.  It is sooner than we originally thought and she hasn't gained as much weight as we would like but as Phil's cousin reminded me tonight, this is all God's plan not ours. What is that quote? "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." It is okay that it is June and not August or September. This is just when she was meant to have surgery (easier said than done but a friend suggested that idea and I have tried to run with it). I also try to remember what our cardiologist said, "This isn't her forever heart. What we are dealing with now is temporary." The surgery is a good thing because it will fix what is wrong and make things easier for her. Yes we would like to wait longer but if she needs it now then that is just what needs to happen. Basically I'm trying to look at the surgery as a positive thing. I'm still scared shitless about it and what her prognosis will actually be afterward because I know it depends on how well it goes. But hey, gotta find something positive about your child having open heart surgery right? 


I answered questions about the surgery back at this post.  

Phil and I are hardly holding it together.  We keep holding her and snuggling her.  We can't believe surgery is upon us.  We are both scared.  Actually yesterday when they told me she would be having surgery in the next week or two I started crying and saying "I can't loose another baby, I just can't loose her."  I pulled myself together and was fine until getting to the hospital today.  Last week I was all calm and comfortable at the hospital.  I really wasn't scared.  Now I'm terrified.  I went for a walk earlier so I wouldn't just sit in the room and cry.      I don't think Phil nor I know how we will be able stay somewhat composed while she is in surgery for hours.  Our fears of loss are hard to handle.  We just love Caroline so much.    

I think the hardest thing to come to terms with is why/how this could be happening to such a wonderful, small, innocent little child. I look at Caroline and can't believe that something is wrong with her heart. I look at her chest and I am sad that one day soon there will be a scar there. I look at her feet and still see little red dots on her heels from all the blood they took at the hospital last week and I can't imagine her with tubes everywhere but I know they are coming. It doesn't seem fair that she is and will have to go through so much. I don't know how to deal with these feelings of unfairness and sadness that your child has to go through this. I try to remind myself that we are so lucky to have her and that we have amazing doctors and technology. If we didn't have the technology that we have today then Caroline would not be okay and my fear of two urns would be a certainty. Now with technology that is no longer a certainty. This past year has taught me to be realistic and I know it is a possibility but I try to focus on the positive. It is scary to have the fear of loosing her in the back of my mind always... there is nothing I can do though. One of my friends said to me when I was pregnant and freaking out one day..."It is okay. It is in God's hands." I find myself repeating that to myself when I get overwhelmed with fear. It is in his hands and I have to have faith in him no matter how hard that may be (and it ain't easy) because if I don't have faith that it will be okay how do I go through each day?

I don't know when I will feel like writing again or when I will have the chance to write again.  Right now we are just taking each moment as it comes.  

Please join us in praying for the doctors and nurses taking care of Caroline.  Please pray for Philip and I to have strength as we go through this.  And pray for our beautiful daughter Caroline to make it through this impending surgery with no complications.  Right now we are living off your prayers.  Thank you :)

Love,

Megan

9 weeks 

We Want a Chunky Baby!

Well evidently the cardiologist didn't scare Caroline enough because we are currently at the hospital and Caroline now has an NG feeding tube. 

On Tuesday we had an 8:30am cardiologist appointment.  We went through the normal procedure of a weight check, length check, EKG, pulse ox, and temperature.  When the cardiologist came in he said well we haven't gained weight again.  I think its time for the tube.  I had no idea what he was saying at first.  Then I realized, oh great a feeding tube, the hospital, yay. So Caroline and I went home, I packed our bags, and we headed off to the hospital.  We had a choice of hospitals in the area so I chose St. Mary's, where Caroline and Emily were delivered.  

Philip was in Baltimore again this week but he was able to take a train back to Richmond Tuesday night.  I also asked my mother-in-law to come be with me.  My parents offered to come too but I told them no for now.  I figure we will need to rotate the support system over the coming weeks/months.  

We checked into the hospital around lunch time Tuesday.  We started by answering lots of questions and getting her vitals monitored.  She has a hospital pediatrician, medical students, nutritionist, GI specialist, nurses, techs, her normal pediatrician, and her normal cardiologist.  We've had to repeat her medical history/feeding history to all of them so I will repeat it here too so we are all on the same page :)

Caroline was born at 6 pounds 7 ounces.  As all babies do she lost about 10 ounces after birth while at the hospital.  She was able to surpass her original birth weight by 11 days old which was great.  So at 11 days old she weighed about 6 pounds 11 ounces.  From April 11 (11 days old) to May 18 Caroline gained ZERO weight.  Over those six weeks we put her on two medicines for her heart and slowly upped them as the weeks progressed.  We clothed her in socks, a onesie, footie pjs, and a hat 24/7 so she wouldn't burn calories trying to regulate her body temperature.  We also switched her feeding around.  For the first month or so I nursed her.  Then we added 2 formula bottles a day.  Then we alternated nursing and formula bottles. On May 12th we decided to switch her to an all formula diet.  This all formula diet was also a formula that had higher calories in it than normal formula.  The combination of a high calorie all formula diet, her layered clothing, and her 2 medicines made it so when we did her weight check on May 18th she weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces. It took her six weeks but she finally gained weight!  We were given permission to stop the layered clothing but continued with the medicines and the calorie rich formula.  Then on June 1 she had got up to 8 pounds!  We thought we were rockin' and rollin' in the weight department.  Well on Tuesday when I took her in to the cardiologist she had gained no weight again :(  Basically we have exhausted all non invasive methods to help her gain weight so the cardiologist decided that we needed to admit her to the hospital to get an NG tube (Nasogastric feeding tube) to help her gain weight.  An NG tube is a tube that goes through the nose, down the throat, and directly into the stomach.  

Why is she not gaining weight?
The hardest thing for a baby to do is to eat.  Caroline gets worn out during her feedings and doesn't eat as much as she needs too.  It is extra hard for her because of the hole in her heart.  She is burning all the calories she does take in just to stay alive.  The doctor told us that she needs to eat more than a normal baby her age because she burns her calories so quickly.  Right now she is eating less than a normal baby her age.

What are we doing to help her gain weight?
We've changed "the plan" about a million times while here at the hospital.  Here is "the plan" as of 4pm on 6/14.  Caroline is getting fed her high calorie formula during the day through a bottle.  We are starting out with about 2 oz every 3 hours 4 times a day.  Then at night she is having a slow continuous drip.  So from 7pm to 7am Caroline's tube will be hooked up to a bag (looks like a IV bag) that has her food in it.  She will be getting continually fed all night long through the tube.  She will be getting 30mL an hour for 12 hours or about 1 oz an hour for 12 hours.  The doctors want her to get a total of 600mL a day.  In a few weeks we will increase this.  We are continuing with bottle feeds during the day in order to make this as normal as possible and to make sure she remembers how to suck and swallow so we won't have to reteach her later.  

How are all of us doing?
Philip and I are doing well.  We knew there was a chance of this so we weren't taken totally by surprise.  It was hard to have Phil in Baltimore on Tuesday.  I was so happy (and so was he) when he got here late Tuesday night.  He has been able to work in his company's office the past couple of days instead of the client in Baltimore.  We were both upset at first about the tube but are just rolling with it now.  We've gotten used to that this past year ;) I've stayed at the hospital every night.  Phil and his mom have stayed at our house.  They both offered to stay with me or for me but I just don't want to leave her.  I finally left the hospital for a bit Thursday night for dinner with Phil's mom while Phil stayed with Caroline.  

Caroline is doing okay.  When we first got to the hospital on Tuesday she was soooooo happy. She was playing with her toys, smiling, and loving the attention.  When they put the tube in on Tuesday evening she was just laying there smiling and laughing at me.  It was so sad because she went from being so happy to screaming and I mean screaming.  It was horrible. I just stood there singing lullabies to her, telling her how proud we are of her, and how proud she should be of herself.  I also had to help hold her down :(  I've never heard my baby cry like she did when they put that tube in.  It took me awhile to calm her down afterward.  We had some difficulty with that first tube.  The machine kept saying that it was blocked.  They had to re-adjust the line multiple times throughout the night because they couldn't figure out what was wrong.  Every time they did that she started a new batch of screaming.  They also had to use a cathader to get a urine sample.  Luckily she didn't cry for that!  They also wanted to run bloodwork.  They had to stick her 5 times because they couldn't get any blood.    Over the course of Tuesday night they stuck her 4 times, cathed her, and readjusted her tube (probably 2-4 times).  It felt like we were waking her up every hour from 8pm until 3 am.  Then at 3am they decided to put in a new NG tube.  By that time I couldn't  take it anymore.  I had held her down over and over again and tried to keep her calm as the nursing staff did what they needed to do.  I sat down in the chair and put my head in my hands and tried to keep from crying.  I knew if I cried it would just make things worse for Caroline.  I told the nurses that I wasn't going to stay while they took out the bad NG tube and put in a new one.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  I stood over Caroline crying a little and apologizing to her for leaving while they dealt with the tube.  I almost changed my mind and stayed.  I felt sooooooo guilty for leaving her.  In the end I knew what was best for my exhausted emotions was to go for a walk.  When I came back they had just finished taping the tube down so I picked her up and snuggled her for a long time.  Wednesday was easier because we didn't have to deal with a problematic tube.  They did have to stick her one last time to get blood (they brought in an "expert" this time).  Thursday has been the best day so far.  She is starting to get used to the tube.  The saddest thing is when she wakes up in the morning.  She used to be my happy, smiling baby (see pictures) but now she wakes up crying, coughing, and sneezing--trying to get used to that darn tube.  We have started getting more smiles which make us feel better about the whole situation.  

2 weeks ago this is what greeted me when I went to do her morning feeding.  

The staff at St. Mary's has been wonderful.  We have liked every experience we've had here between Emily's delivery, Caroline's birth, and this we feel like we know the place pretty well.  It is weird that we aren't in Labor and Delivery.  I associate this hospital so much with Emily that it is weird to have a whole new experience (I don't really associate the hospital with Caroline's birth...I guess because it all happened so quickly).  Actually I kinda miss the labor and delivery wing! 

Caroline's cardiologist visited her to Tuesday evening right after she got the tube.  I talked with Caroline's pediatrician on the phone every day and on Thursday she came in on her day off to check on us.  She even gave me her personal cell phone number so I could text her updates.  I told Phil we can never ever move because there is no way we could find another pediatrician like Dr. D or an obgyn like Dr. Tyson.  Amazing doctors like them are hard to find.  We feel so blessed to have them in our lives.  

Still no word on when surgery will be.  They want to see consistent weight gain which shows she is strong.  The stronger she is the better she will tolerate surgery.  

Update:  It is now Friday morning (I've been writing this blog all week!) and Caroline has gained weight!!!!! When we came in on Tuesday she weighed 3.74 kg.  This morning she weighed 3.86 kg!  That is 1/4 of a pound in just a couple of days!!!! This is HUGE in our world :)  Also, she woke up smiling today instead of crying.  That makes for one happy Mommy and Daddy. We should be getting discharged today.  We have to wait to get taught from the medical supply company how to use their equipment.  We will also be having an in-home nurse come by our home to check on us.  I'm not sure how often the nurse will be coming by. 

I wish ya'll could see Caroline.  She is such a happy baby, a great snuggler, and has the craziest hair you will ever see on an 11 week old (well she will be 11 weeks on Saturday).  She makes the cutest grunts and nastiest poops.  She is now obsessed with her own hair.  She likes to wiggle her fingers through it, to twirl it, and to grab it and hold on.  Her hair line is EXACTLY like Phil's.  She lays there twisting her hair when she is sleepy, which is what I did when I was little!  She really is the sweetest baby in the world (I'm not biased or anything).  

loving that hair!

A special thank you to Robin my mother-in-law.  She has sat with me at the hospital all week.  She has been wonderful company and support.  

Phil and I feel so incredibly blessed to have our amazing parents.  All four of them are so loving and supportive.  They are all obsessed with Caroline.  When we see them they love feeding her, diapering her, and especially snuggling with her.  They all are always itching to get their hands on her :)  All four of them take care of us too.  Seriously, we are so incredibly blessed.  Thank you Grandma Karen, Grandpa Jeff, ReRa, and Gran Dan the Magnificent! 

Love,
Megan

Being at the hospital is easy!
(This is before the tube was put in)

Hi ReRa

Bows make everything better!

yay toys!

hmmmm

Daddy is here!

Caroline LOVES her hair! She can't stop running her fingers through it and playing with it.

Two of our nurses.  Miss Abbey and Miss Susan.

We had a therapy dog come and visit us!
Caroline slept through the visit buy Mommy and ReRa loved it!
Look, Libbie the dog has a hospital ID!!!

New toy that the hospital let us borrow.  Caroline loves it!

Look who is getting used to her feeding tube!
Nice and relaxed and asleep.

Two Months!

• Age: 2 months 1 day/8 weeks 6 days
• Weight: 8 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!! (20th percentile)
• Height:  21.75 inches (25th percentile)
• Head Circumference:  14.75 (25th percentile)
• Hair Color:  Brown
• Eye Color: Grey blue (the doctor said this will change to her permanent color between 6 and 9 months)
• Diaper Size:  Newborn (She was in preemie diapers for the first month)
• Clothing Size:  0-3 (We just changed to this size 2 weeks ago.  Only some of her 0-3 clothes fit.  Some are still huge on her)
• Nicknames:  Baby Girl, Darling, Little One, Baby Bear (Phil now refers to me as Mama Bear)
• Expert Skills:  hiccupping, sneezing, pooping, stretching, eating, the pirate look (only opens one eye and looks at you questioningly), Elvis smile, rolling her tongue, tracking people, turning to voices, looking at toys, smiling, chewing on her hands when she is hungry to soothe herself
• Developing Skills: Hitting her toys, cooing, holding head up in her seat, sticking her tongue out when we do
• Likes:  Staring up at her toys, walks, her rock and play, Mommy making a squeaking noise, the bottle song, the sound effects we make when getting her dressed (choo choo noises when we put on socks)
• Dislikes:  spitting up, reflux, her heart medicines, nightmares (she cries out and makes the saddest face and then is fine again), Mommy making a motorboat sound
• Mommy's Favorite:  When she smiles, snuggles!
• Daddy's Favorite:  When she smiles
• Toys:  Mirrors, laying on her mat playing with hanging toys, Mommy and Daddy!
• Sleep:  A 4 - 5 hour stint at night and a 3 hour stint.  We aren't allowed to let her go longer than 5 hours at night without a feeding.  During the day she was napping well but now she is mainly just doing cat naps.  
• Feeding:  About 2 oz of formula every 2-3 hours.  Most feedings are taking about an hour.  

Caroline is becoming more and more interactive every day! She has an amazing attention span for a two month old.  She will lay there and play with her toys for a good 15-20 minutes!  She has recently started mimicking us when we stick out our tongue.  It also makes her smile.  She loves it when we talk to her or make noises.  She has started making more noises herself so we make sure to mimic her when she does in order to help encourage her.  

We had our first trip out of town when we went to a wedding in Charlottesville (congrats Steve and Ellen!).  Phil's parents babysat her at a hotel while we had a fabulous time with a ton of Phil's fraternity brothers.  We ended coming back home that night and not spending the night at the hotel.  It was a great first date night out!

Caroline had her first trip to Colonial Beach over Memorial Day.  We were so excited to introduce her to this family tradition.  I will have to upload photos of it at a later date.  


She and I spend most days hanging out, giving her a bath, playing with toys, going on walks, reading books, and eating.  Lots and lots of eating.

• Medications:  3!  Two for her heart and 1 for reflux
• Food:  Nutramigen i.e. super expensive formula---also we mix more formula per water in order to increase the calorie count
• Appetite:  She is eating about 2 oz at a feeding now.  That is new.  Until about a week ago we were lucky if she ate 1-1.5 oz.  (Normally babies are eating 4-5oz by this age).  
• Vaccines:  modified schedule due to her weight 

Caroline has FINALLY gained some weight.  From April 11-May 18 she gained ZERO weight.  She was stuck at 6 lbs 11oz. for 6 weeks!   She wasn't gaining weight because of her heart.  The hole in her heart makes it so some blood gets circulated through multiple times, which makes it work harder, which makes her burn calories.  Feeding takes most of a baby's energy so eating exhausts her.  All this means difficulty gaining weight.  Well at her doctor appointment on May 18th she had finally gained weight.  She weighed 7lbs 6oz.  We were so excited that I started jumping up and down.  We also asked them to weigh her again on another scale just to make sure ;)  When we went to the doctor today she weighed 8 pounds!!!!  This is HUGE in our world :)


We think what helped her gain weight was increasing the heart medications she is on and switching to an all formula diet.  It was a very hard decision to stop nursing but it was best for her and for me.  I knew it wasn't my fault she wasn't gaining weight but it was making me very sad and frustrated.  It is much easier to have her not want to eat from a bottle than her not want to eat from me.  Another factor in her gaining weight was that I started reading Harry Potter to her.  We are already done with the first book and are a few chapters into book 2.  Clearly she has good literary taste :)  The last reason we think she gained weight is because the cardiologist scared the bageezus out of her.  At our May 11 appointment he mentioned the possibility of a temporary NG feeding tube if she continued to not gain weight.  This is a feeding tube that would go in through her nose, down her throat, and into her tummy.  Philip and I would have to feed her at night with a slow drip to help her gain weight.  If we used the feeding tube it would take the work out of eating for her and she would most likely gain weight. Well she clearly didn't want that feeding tube because she gained weight after the cardiologist's "threat" (though the feeding tube is still a possibility if she stops gaining again).  The cardiologist emphasizes that everything we are doing is only temporary.  It is all to get her to be the best candidate possible for the surgery.  So if it takes her an hour to eat, so be it.  If she wants to eat every hour, so be it.  Basically we feed her on demand all day.  We aren't allowed to do a feeding schedule.  We aren't allowed to have her go longer than 5 hours at night and 3 hours during the day without eating.  This usually isn't a problem but there have been a few nights where she wants to keep sleeping and we are just sticking a bottle in a sleeping baby's mouth and she eats while asleep.  Basically we are just stuffing that little baby with as much food as possible!  

As far as surgery goes we still do not know when it will be.  All the cardiologist has said is it will be sometime this summer.

Our newest issue is reflux.  She has been fussy because she doesn't feel well :(  Her fussiness is mainly her rubbing her head back and forth on our shoulder while we burp her.  We just sit there patting her back over and over again which helps stop her head rubbing.  We just started zantac so hopefully that will help.  We also bought a rock and play which keeps her elevated and soothed.  This week we started using a pacifier which seems to be helping the reflux as well.  At the appointments today the doctor said her fussiness could also be because of her age.  Evidently 6-8 week olds go through a fussy stage. 

The hardest part of all of this isn't the fact that she was having difficulty gaining weight.  We are actually quite relaxed about it most of the time.  We've both had our moments of worry but we know there is only so much we can do.  We are just trying to do the best we can.  The hardest part for us is the endless questions from others about her health.  While we know they are all out of love for us and for her they are quite draining.  We are trying to be relaxed about the whole thing but when everyone else is constantly asking when her next appointment will be, did she gain weight, when will she have surgery, etc. I start to lose my patience and start giving short answers because I don't want to talk about it.  I'd much rather talk about her cute noises, crazy hair, or funny noises/faces she makes when she poops.  I just want to focus on how amazing our daughter is rather than her heart condition.

We've been able to take her out to eat and to a store or two.  The doctors do not want us to have her outside very much, around crowds, by other kids, or operating machinery/driving a car (this is a warning on one of her medicines hahahahaha).  They told us if she gets sick she will have to be in the ICU because of her heart condition and low weight.  This has been hard for me because it limits who I can hang out with and when and where.  I have friends who are stay at home moms too but I can't have her around their kids.  Like the cardiologist keeps saying, this is all temporary.  I have been able to get out of the house some with her.  We go to doctor appointments, to Target, out to lunch or dinner, and on walks around the neighborhood.    


Phil and I are feeling really good about life right now.  We feel so blessed to have our amazing daughter.  Our favorite time is when the three of us get to hang out together.  This is especially true when she is awake and playing.  She is just so darn cute!  We have worked really hard to tackle parenting as a team and support each other when we feel challenged be it a scary spit-up or one of us is exhausted.  Overall we are feeling really confident.  Once we get one thing handled though we know a new challenge will always present itself, such is the nature of parenting right?


Our newest challenge is Phil's job.  His new client is in Baltimore.  When he got assigned to them we thought he would be working remotely from Richmond.  We just found out that he will be commuting to Baltimore every week for the next month or so.  He will be taking the train up on Monday mornings and come back on Thursday evenings.  We had our first taste of our new lifestyle this week.  The first day was really tough.  Caroline had a giant spit-up, an exploding poo all over herself and her carseat, and the dog acted up (more on that below).  My mother-in-law hung out with us the second day which was great!  Then the next day Phil came home.  Caroline and I started getting into a routine this past week as I became more comfortable being a single parent.  I think as I get more comfortable it will get easier.  It was really hard on Phil too.  He loves spending time with Caroline (and with me!).  We were able to facetime one another which was great!


Zach is still good around Caroline and likes her but the obsession with her has worn off.  When she started crying the other day he was sleeping.  Her crying woke him up so he looked up, turned toward her to see that she was crying, rolled his eyes, and lay back down.  I think we are dealing with a jealous doggie.  While Phil was gone this past week Zach decided to jump on the couch and pee on it.  Yes pee on our couch!  The thing is I had just taken both of them on a mile long walk!  So it's not like he is being ignored!  We've been working on giving him more attention since then.   

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Well I think that's it.  I will continue to only do monthly updates though I have a couple of funny quick posts planned about Caroline's hair and poop.  I tend to update the shutterfly photos more frequently.  They are a lot easier to deal with then this blog because writing posts takes me hours to do.  This one has taken me days to write!

Again, thank you for all the sweet messages, cards, and presents.  I haven't been able to respond to most messages but they are really appreciated.  It is really hard for me to sit down in front of a computer these days!

To see photos and video from May check out our shutterfly photo share site.  You need a password to view the pictures.  If you would like the password all you have to do is ask :) 

Our dear friend Julie who took the photos of Emily took a few photos of Caroline when she came to meet her at 2 weeks old.  You can view those photos here

Have a wonderful June!

Love,

Megan

4 Weeks Old!

Caroline is one month old today!  In order to make it easier for me I'm only going to do monthly updates from her on out unless we have "breaking news".  So here is her one month update!

All About Caroline

• Age: 30 days/1 month/4 weeks 2 days
• Weight: 6 lbs 12 oz.
• Hair Color:  Brown
• Eye Color: Grey (the doctor said this will change to her permanent color between 6 and 9 months)
• Expert Skills:  hiccuping, sneezing, pooping, stretching, eating, the pirate look (only opens one eye and looks at you questioningly), Elvis smile, rolling her tongue
• Developing Skills:  tracking people as they walk by, turning to people's voices, looking at toys, grabbing Mommy's hair, wiggling/army crawling across bed!
• Likes:  moving her hands, pooping, sleeping on Mommy or Daddy's chest, getting a bath, getting her hair washed
• Dislikes:  Her bassinet/pack-n-play, sunlight, the Prince song "1999"
• Mommy's Favorite:  When Caroline and Mommy snuggle after Caroline is done eating.  During these moments Caroline snuggles then looks up at Mommy and smiles.  
• Daddy's Favorite:  When Caroline poops.  She makes funny facial expressions, very large grunts, and has very loud sounding poop.  Now she is even raising her hands above her head as she poops sometimes. Sneezes; they are just adorable.
• Toys:  She just started liking her jungle tummy time mat, mirrors

After a bath

The pirate

Mommy loves smiles when we snuggle!

Caroline's Health
We have seen the  pediatrician 4 times since leaving the hospital.  Basically we go in to see her weekly.  We have seen the cardiologist two times now.  I've gotten a lot of questions about the cardiologist.  Her cardiologist is HERE in Richmond.  He works with the surgeon who is located in Charlottesville.  When we see the cardiologist we just see him, not the surgeon.  We see him here in Richmond.  That would stink if we had to go to Charlottesville for every appointment!  We really like both her pediatrician and her cardiologist.


Caroline quickly surpassed her birth weight (Babies loose we weight after birth while at the hospital.  They are expected to gain this back in the first two weeks).  At her 1.5 week appt. she had already surpassed it! The only problem is her weight has plateaued since then.  She has been 6 lbs. 12ish oz. for 3 weeks now.  We need her to gain weight.  Because of her lack of weight gain the doctors have changed her diet some.  She is now getting a bottle of formula that has extra formula in it in order to help her gain weight/get more calories.  She is also on two medicines.  Because of the hole in her heart, (read about her heart defect again here or when we met with the surgeon here) some of her blood recirculates through the heart which makes it work harder.  Right now it is working so hard that she is burning all the calories she is eating.  We are hoping to be able to put off her heart surgery until late this summer/early fall.  However, if she doesn't gain weight then that means she will be having surgery earlier.  So to answer the question, "When is she having surgery?" All we can answer is "We don't know."  We are trying to delay the surgery for as long as possible so she can get bigger and so the surgeon has a bigger heart to work with.  This makes it easier for the surgeon and a smaller chance of her having to have a second surgery.  Please pray with us that increasing her calories and her two medicines will help her gain weight by taking some of the stress off of her heart.

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I'm doing great!  I have recovered well from the c-section.  Emotionally I'm doing okay.  I had some major postpartum depression going on during the first two weeks.  Basically leading up to Emily's birthday was really difficult for me.  I was crying every day many times for no reason at all.  Emily combined with being frustrated with nursing, feeling inadequate as a parent, overwhelmed, tired, sad, etc.  I kept saying "I don't know how to love her."  It was a horrible feeling.  After waiting and praying and wanting her so badly for so long all I could think about when I saw her was "How am I supposed to love you?" After we got past Emily's birthday I started doing better.  Now I don't feel that way.  I love her so much and feel so lucky to be her Mommy.  She is having more alert times during the day now too. I'm not sure what to do with her then other than stare back so I've started reading to her. Right now we are going through a book of fairytales.  We are also working on important reading concepts like table of contents, predictions, vocabulary, context clues, character traits, etc. Like I said...I'm not sure what to do w/ her so I'm just doing what I know :)   We are also starting to play on her tummy time mat. 

Don't you love the random sock?

Philip is doing great too.  He went back to work 2 weeks ago.  Luckily he was able to work from home some that first week.  He is such a natural father.  It is amazing to see him in action.  Every time he holds her I want to take a million pictures.  We have been working really well as a team.  She has spent many nights this first month cheering on the Capitals with us. They just beat the Rangers to even the series and Caroline was so excited.  C-A-P-S! CAPS CAPS CAPS!!

Zach is doing pretty well, but he is a bit of a worrier.  Whenever Caroline cries, he gives us a guilt-inducing look that says, "Why aren't you doing anything to help her stop crying?"  It's his own version of Lassie's alert that Timmy fell down into the well.  He always has to check on her when we get home from an outing.  Amazingly he has done a good job of not kissing her.  If you have met Zach then you know this is a shock.  It is obvious that he loves her a lot, even though it means he doesn't get as much attention as he used to.  We can't wait for her to realize that this white fluffy thing is her buddy.  

Oh good.  She is home safely.

Nap time!  Notice Zach on the chair and Caroline in her crib.

I've uploaded pictures from week 2, week 3, and week 4 to the shutterfly site.  Here is the link again. 


http://noakesnest.shutterfly.com/  ----Don't forget to check out the videos too!


You need a password to view the pictures.  If you would like the password all you have to do is ask :)


Thank you for all the sweet emails and facebook messages.  I haven't had a chance to respond to most of them.  I hope to have a chance to do that this week.  I really appreciate the messages, I just haven't been able to find the time to respond!


Love,
Megan and Phil (he wrote some of this!)

First family walk around the neighborhood!