Long time no blogging

Well hello again!  It has been quite awhile since I last blogged.  I haven’t really been sure what to blog about.  Phil and I were very busy all summer.  All our friends and family helped to make sure we had plans just about every weekend J  We truly feel blessed to have such an amazing support system around us.  It is about 6 ½ months since I delivered Emily.  A day doesn't go by that we don’t think about her yet each day it gets easier.  We've also had some exciting things to help distract us.  Like going to Italy for 10 days and finding out that I’m pregnant again!  

I'M PREGNANT!

We found out I was pregnant on August 4.  I was home alone when I found out.  I didn't believe it at first.  I just walked around the house crying with disbelief that I could get pregnant again so quickly.  I thanked God a lot and prayed for a healthy pregnancy.  I also talked to Emily.  I told her how much I loved her and how excited I was to be pregnant again (Part of me felt guilty for feeling so excited so I felt the need to explain it to her...yes that is crazy sounding but I don't care).  

With the two other pregnancies I would wake Philip up saying "I'm pregnant!" so it took him a few minutes to figure out what I was saying.  This time I told him when he got home from work.  I told him I was having a tough day so I wrote a letter to our future baby.  I ended the letter saying, "Today August 4, 2011, God answered our prayers with you."  He just looked at me and smiled and hugged me.  It was scary and amazing all at one time.  

48 hours later we were heading to the beach with Phil's family.  We ended up telling ALL his family then.  Part of the reason was because his aunt looked at me when we were alone and asked, "Are you pregnant?"  I said, "Why do you ask?" "Because I had a dream 3 weeks ago that you are and you were wearing a black dress when you told me."  I was wearing a black dress that day.  Well after that the cat was out of the bag and we told everyone.  It was great to share our joy with all of them.  Then later that week I was able to share it with my family when I went to visit my parents. 

ITALY

Italy was a lot of fun but has a slight first trimester yuckiness haze over the trip.  If you would like to see photos of the trip, click on the link below.  I captioned most of the photos on the site.   We went to Rome for 4 days and the Cinque Terre for 3 days.  Rome was a go go go atmosphere because there is SO much to see and do.  The Cinque Terre was very relaxing exploring the five small fishing villages there.   

http://noakesnest.shutterfly.com/

LIFE AFTER ITALY

We came back from Italy refreshed and ready to tackle another pregnancy.  We are really excited about this baby.  We’ve had 4 ultrasounds already and I’m only 15 weeks along!  Needless to say I am well monitored.  I’m also well medicated.  I’m on extra vitamins, baby aspirin, and hypothyroid medicine (a new development this time around, yay).  Hopefully all this monitoring and medicines (7 a day!) will help make this a successful pregnancy.  We are very positive about it but also realistic.  We realize with any pregnancy there is a chance that something can go wrong.  We are just focusing on loving this baby as much as possible while we have him or her.  I don’t think either of us will feel completely confident until we are holding our baby in our arms. 

I will say it has been nice to have the monthly ultrasounds though nerve racking.  It is too early to feel the baby move so it is reassuring each month to still see a heartbeat.  Having an ultrasound was how we found out with my first pregnancy that I was going to miscarry and with Emily how we found out that her heart had stopped beating.  Basically we have a love/hate relationship with ultrasounds.   

We should find out after Thanksgiving the sex of the baby.  We can’t wait!  If it is a girl the room is all set.  If it is a boy we have new curtains and bedding already picked out (I’m a planner).  We are soooo excited to welcome this little one come April!

Well that is all for now.  I will try to start updating on a weekly basis.  Have a wonderful week!

Love,

Megan

15 weeks!  Still pretty tiny but just starting to show :)

11 weeks

Just found out I'm pregnant! (well 48 hours beforehand)

Life Update

So it has been almost 9 weeks since I delivered Emily.  It seems like a lifetime ago that we were in the hospital. 

Phil and I have been doing well.  He stayed home from work the first week and I stayed home for two weeks.  I only worked part time for my first week back and then went back to my normal schedule for the most part after that. 

Thank you soooooooooo much for all the messages, cards, flowers, gifts, visits, care packages, emails, phone calls, etc.  We were seriously getting cards for a couple of weeks.  I’ve never gotten so many cards in my life.  All the love and support truly did give us strength.  Every message and card put a smile on my face and made that day just a little bit easier. 

We have been keeping busy by basically planning something for every weekend all summer long.  We are evening planning a 10 day trip to Italy in September!  We will be in Rome for 4 nights and Cinque Terre for 4 nights.  If you've never heard of Cinque Terre here is a link to a blog about it.  Also click here to see some amazing pictures of it.  Basically they are 5 small towns on the Mediterranean coast that are connected by train and hiking trails.  I'm so excited about this trip that I couldn't sleep last night.

Most people have been asking me about what the doctor said so here is what we know.  Emily died due to a blood clot in the placenta.  The autopsy showed that there was NOTHING wrong with her.  She was as we suspected, perfect.  We found out through my blood work that I have a double copy of a gene that may or may not make me more susceptible to blood clots while pregnant.  They aren’t sure if there is a correlation between this gene mutation and blood clotting.  The research is very contradictory.  We know that there is a chance with every pregnancy that this could happen again.  To help reduce this chance I am supposed to take a baby asprin every day once I find out I’m pregnant again.  I’m also supposed to increase my folic acid intake.  They will monitor me very closely throughout all subsequent pregnancies.  Lastly, they will induce me early (around 36 weeks) so the baby doesn’t have to be in there any longer then it has to.  Other than that we can’t do anything.    

What we need now are more prayers.  Prayers that we can get pregnant again, prayers that the pregnancy lasts, and prayers that we get to bring a happy healthy baby home.  We know that we will get pregnant again in God’s time.  Hopefully his timeline aligns with ours ;)  But seriously I am working really hard to have faith in his plan and know that I will get pregnant again when he thinks we are ready emotionally.

Thank you so much for all the prayers.  Hopefully I will be able to write again soon with happy news.

Love,

Megan

Ps.  For all you science nerds out there the gene mutation is called Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (MTHFR).  I am homozygous (2 copies) for the C677T mutation.  Thank you to my two favorite science nerds Dr. Erika Bechtold and soon to be Dr. Terrell Brotherton and for using their science nerd powers to explain to me in Megan terms what exactly all the science mumbo jumbo means.  Man I wish I was a science nerd too.

Our One Day With Emily

If you would like to send meals please contact Julie Massie at 540-449-4104.  She is coordinating a schedule for us.  Our work friends at Bon Secours and the Children’s Museum have already brought us two weeks worth of food which was incredibly thoughtful and helpful.  We work with amazing people.

We would love to have visitors.  I would especially like having some visitors while I recover from labor before going back to work.  I’m taking off the next two weeks at least.  It depends how my body is recovering for how long I take.  You can reach us at our house number 804-360-3192 or my cell 703-851-5551. 

Our One Day With Emily

On Monday, April 11, 2011 God welcomed home our sweet baby girl Emily at 12:14am.  She was absolutely beautiful.  She was 2 pounds 11 ounces and 16 inches long.  She had Phil’s lips and a nose that was a combination of ours.  She had my long fingers and Phil’s wide feet and high arch.  She even had some very tiny curls of hair around her ears. 

We feel so blessed to have been able to hold her and kiss her and snuggle with her before having to say good-bye.  We have her hand prints and footprints and some beautiful photos of her.

Below is the story of her delivery and our day with her.  We are writing this to share with family and friends partially because we want everyone to know about our amazing daughter and partially as a form of therapy to help us grieve.  Please understand that it is LONG, very honest about our emotions, and includes a lot of details but those details are important to us.  If you are worried about reading about labor—I kinda gloss over that part on purpose though I have no problem sharing if you would like to hear about it. 

Here is her story:

Last Monday we had another doctor’s appointment and we got to see Emily on the ultrasound.  She was moving around, hiding her little face behind her arm, and to quote the doctor had “a beautiful heart.”  The doctor had said something similar the month before which always filled me with joy because that is what a baby needs in order to live, developed lungs, brain, and heart.  We could handle 9 fingers or funny ears as long as everything else was functioning (just so you know, she had all 10 fingers and 10 toes and cute ears).  She continued to move around like crazy all week, dancing on my bladder, poking me in the ribs, kicking my hip bone.  On Saturday I had a lazy day where I stayed in PJs most of the day and started working on a quilt that I decided I needed to make for her (sewing has become a recent hobby of mine).  I realized part way through the day that I couldn’t remember her moving much so I went to take a nap since she usually liked to move then.  I still didn’t feel her move really but I figured hey maybe she was just having a lazy day with me.  By early evening I still hadn’t really felt her move so I called the doctor and they told us to come into the Labor and Delivery wing of the ER to get checked out (normal procedure on a weekend). The problem was that we hadn’t been on our hospital tour yet!  That was supposed to be on Tuesday.  When we got to the hospital (around 7:20pm) a nurse looked for her heartbeat but couldn’t find it.  So another nurse came in to try.  Still no heartbeat.  So the doctor came in with the ultrasound machine.  No heartbeat.  How could this be?  We just saw her “beautiful heart” on Monday?  Phil and I sat there in shock hardly listening to the doctor as he told us there was no heartbeat which meant that she was stillborn.  Then we were told that I was going to get induced so I could deliver her.  I was pissed.  Phil was upset.  All I kept thinking was I have to go through labor and not bring a baby home??? Seriously I have to give birth to a baby I can’t keep??? You’ve got to be kidding me!  As weird as this may seem, that anger also gave me the strength I needed to understand and begin to come to peace.  I had to have the strength to get through this so I could hold her and kiss her, comfort and show her my love for her.  I had to get through this so I could begin to recover from labor.  I had to get through this so we could try again.  I had to get through this so we could have a baby to bring home. 

While we went through the process of checking in we started calling family and friends.  We really didn’t know what else to do.  I also had the doctor do another ultrasound to give us peace of mind.  I kept thinking that the doctor was going to say, “Surprise!  We just wanted to play a horrible trick on you!  Everything is okay.” 

They started inducing me around 9:00pm Saturday evening.  I was only 29 weeks so my body was doing what it was supposed to be doing, keeping baby in.  They had to trick my body into labor by inducing me. 

Labor is not fun.  It is especially not fun when you’ve only had one birthing class and are feeling unprepared.  Luckily we have some amazing friends who helped to coach me through it and give advice.  I kept myself distracted by having a “party” in the room.  We had the Masters on and friends and family sat with us, talked with us, laughed with us, and cried with us.  It was the distraction I needed to deal with labor.  I thought I would want relaxation music.  No thank you.  I wanted happiness and laughter and oh yeah the Masters ;)  It made me happy that Phil was able to distract himself by hanging out with friends and watching Sunday at the Masters because my labor lasted from 9pm Saturday night to 12:14am Monday morning and labor is pretty boring. 

I delivered Emily at 12:14am on Monday, April 11, 2011.  The whole labor I was looking forward to being able to see her and hold her and kiss her.  It gave me peace and strength to know that I would be able to at least do that at the end.  But then after I delivered her I became fearful. I was fearful of how I was going to react to my sweet baby girl when I saw her.  I didn’t know what to expect when I saw her because she was stillborn. Phil was amazing.  He told me how beautiful she was and that it was okay and hugged and kissed me.  It was amazing to be able to hold her.  All I had been dreaming about all pregnancy long was getting to hold my baby and now I was finally able to.  It was not how I had dreamed it but at least I had part of the dream. 

Then our family arrived back at the hospital.  We had just sent them home an hour before I delivered because they thought I wouldn’t deliver until morning.  Little did we know that the epidural I got at 11pm would help me relax so much that an hour later I would deliver her.  Our family was able to hold her and rock her and grieve for her loss.  It was all so special. 

I slept with her in my arms that night though I hardly even slept.  We knew that in a few short hours we would have to really say good-bye to her and there was no way I was going to waste most of that time on sleep instead of looking at her. Phil and I had a very quiet morning with her as our little family of three. We even baptized her together just the two of us.  It was perfect.

We were allowed to have Emily with us as long as we wanted.  The reality of the situation though was that there was only so long that we should.  God helped us gain the strength to say good-bye.  We said good-bye around 4:30 pm on April 11.  It was the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives.  How do you have this little baby that you can’t take home?  How do you watch your daughter walk away from you in the arms of a nurse and know that you will never see her again?  God gave us the strength to watch her go and the strength to walk out of the hospital afterward.

I had peace throughout the labor because I knew that at the end of it I would at least be able to see and hold my baby.  I also had peace knowing that she didn’t suffer.  One of my dear friends from college died last year after battling cancer for over two years.  I kept thinking about something her mom said at her funeral, “Liz is the lucky one.  She is with God and is no longer suffering.”  Thinking of her strength and her words gave me strength.  In a weird way Mrs. White’s faith and love for Liz gave me the faith that I needed to have peace.

God doesn’t give us struggles we can’t handle.  Last year I had a miscarriage and was very unhappy with my job which combined together made me severely depressed.  I was very mad at God at first for taking away my baby.  I didn’t understand why he would give me so much unhappiness at once.  Then I quit my job and started working at the Children’s Museum.  I was happy at work which made me a happy person again.  If I had had the baby that I miscarried I would not have been a fit mother because I was so depressed.  The thing is I haven’t been mad at God once since we found out Emily was going to be stillborn.  I seriously have been at peace the whole time.  I learned through my miscarriage to trust in God’s plan.  You may not like it or agree with it but he has a plan.  Having the miscarriage last year made it so I could have peace with losing Emily.  Clearly God has a plan. 

We found out after I delivered the placenta that there was a blood clot in the placenta which had caused the placenta to die and caused her to be stillborn. The doctors told us that it would have been quick and painless.  We will get answers as to why this would happen in the coming months.  All we know now is that there was nothing we did to cause it and nothing we could have done to stop it from happening.

We are at peace because we know that God took her so she wouldn’t have to suffer.  If she would have been full term with a placenta that was not healthy meant that she would have had major health issues.  If she would have been born early she would have had major health issues.  Instead in his love for her he took her home early.  He took her so she wouldn’t have to suffer.  She was beautiful and completely innocent.  She was our little Emily and we love her with all of our hearts.  

Thank you for all of the emails, phone calls, messages, flowers, food, and texts.  I haven’t had a chance to respond to everyone yet.  Please know that they are greatly appreciated and help to give us strength.

Thank you to our family for dropping everything and coming to support us and meet Emily.  It was important to us that her grandparents and aunts and uncles meet her and see how beautiful she was in person.  They drove/flew in from Harrisonburg, Norfolk, Northern Virginia, North Carolina, Syracuse, and Nashville.  They are amazing.

Thank you to the Massies, Browns, and Snapps for keeping us company at the hospital and helping to distract me throughout labor.  A special thank you to Maria Brown for doing just about anything and everything for us and being so incredibly supportive and thoughtful.  A special thank you to Julie Massie for being our friend, our advocate, our birthing coach, and our photographer.  Both of them made it so I was able to have the emotional strength I needed to deliver Emily by taking care of everything else.

Thank you to the nursing staff at St. Mary’s Hospital.  They were amazing.  A special thank you to Amy our nurse who was there for most of the labor and was the one who delivered Emily (it happened so quick the doctor didn’t have a chance to get there).  She answered all my questions, gave me tons of advice, and handled our daughter with tender loving hands.  Amy was amazing.  Thank you to our doctor, Dr. Tyson.  She was not able to be at the delivery but came in when she found out to see how we were doing.  She rearranged her schedule so that we could basically have unlimited time with her to ask questions.  She cried with us and gave us hope for the future.  She was fantastic.

Thank you to Philip Noakes for being an amazing husband and father.  Words can not express the love I have for him.  It is amazing how much closer we feel after having Emily. It is amazing how much closer we feel from grieving for Emily.  He is my everything and I don’t know what I would do without him.

If you actually read all this, thank you.  I love Emily and want so badly for everyone to know her story since they will never get to know her. This has been an amazing therapeutic release to write down her story so thank you for helping me to grieve. 

We are going to do a very private prayer service sometime this week. 

Once we get the photos of Emily back I will post a link to some.  I know that not everyone will feel comfortable seeing them and I understand that.  For the most part she looks like a tiny baby.  Her skin and lips are rather red and she is tiny because she never had the chance to get some meat on her bones.  To us, she is beautiful.

Thank you again for all the love and support. 

My Uncle Bill sent us the following quote which Phil and I feel perfectly describes Emily.  “An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth.  Then whispered as she closed the book ‘too beautiful for earth’.” 

We love you Emily.  

Craving some pickles

All pregnancy long people have been asking me if I have craved pickles.  Well today I finally did.  Like most of my cravings it was started by seeing something yummy on TV.  I seriously think food commercials are targeting pregnant women.  I think almost all of the food cravings I have had are based on something I saw on TV.  Chocolate cake, hamburgers, veggies, and today pickles.  Unfortunately the pickle was very unsatisfying.  Oh well...the cookie that Phil brought home filled my ever present sweet craving so I am happy.

Overall the baby and I are doing great!  She is moving around a lot more which I love.  I still get excited every time I feel her moving.  Only bad symptom I've had this week is heartburn.  Not fun but has been manageable with Tums.

In the past 2 weeks I have FINALLY made some decisions about the baby's room.  Phil and I are painting the room a soft yellow this weekend.  Well Phil mainly with my limited help.  I'm working on letting go of my perfectionist personality when it comes to cutting in paint.  I picked out bedding last week too.  It is a Pottery Barn Kids print that I had been eyeing that went on sale.  See pictures below.

This past weekend two of my best friends from college came to visit.  They helped me register at Pottery Barn Kids and Target.  They had the registry gun so if you see some crazy things on there...I'm blaming them ;)   I think there still may be a creamer in the shape of a cow on my target registry. Needless to say we had a blast designing the bedroom and bathroom.  They had soooo many good suggestions.  Their enthusiasm was infectious which made it a fabulous weekend.  I think everyone in Target could probably hear our squeals when we saw all the adorable baby clothing.

I'm bursting with excitement for June to get here!  I know once she comes our lives are going to completely change which is super scary but I'm choosing to focus on the excitement.  Only 17 more weeks to go!

The paint color for the room.

This is the bedding (sophie bedding) I bought minus the quilt.  I love the simplicity of the bedding.  The quilt I registered for is below.  

 

This is the quilt and additional sheets that I registered for.  (lindsey bedding)

I'm obsessed with this lamp.  I think it is soooo cute and girly.  I think the purple one is what I'm going to register for.

I registered for the blue and green shower curtain that is on the right.  Love it!

How cute are these two whales!  The whale below goes over the tub faucet  so the water comes out of its mouth!

Clothing and bottles and pacifiers oh my!

So my parents came down to Richmond this weekend to visit.  My mom and I spent most of the day Saturday shopping.  We had a great time looking at baby girl clothes.  There was NO way we were going to look and not buy.  Below are some of our favorites! There is also a picture of me holding one of the dresses.  They are soooo tiny and sooooo cute :)

Next came the tears.  Well there were no actual tears, but I was close to it.  We attempted to tackle the baby registry.  Who knew there were sooooooooooooooooo many choices for bottles, pacifiers, bibs, jumpers, etc.  I spent most of the time at Babys R Us standing there trying not to hyperventilate.  Needless to say, we didn't accomplish very much.  We left feeling completely overwhelmed.  Next, we went to Pottery Barn Kids to try and get inspired for the baby's room decor.  We left the mall with a least a color scheme in mind (see below).  Below are some color inspirations for her room.  I think I'm going to go with a color theme instead of a character/animal theme.

On Sunday we went to church where baby Noakes tap danced the entire service on my bladder.  It is a crazy feeling but cool.  Then we tried Babys R Us again and we were successful!  The registry is still a major work in progress but at least we got it started.  For example I think I registered for 4 different pack and plays so I could go home and research customer opinions on the ones I liked.  Instead of worrying about which bottle or pacificer was the best...I just chose.  Who knows whether she will like it or not but I figure we will know pretty quickly once she is here.

If anyone has any advice on bottles, pacifiers, diapers, etc. I would love some experienced opinions.  Honestly they all started to look the same and I just want whatever works.

We had a great time with my parents.  I am somehow even more excited now then I was last week!  I think this has all just become so real.  Holding her clothes and knowing it is a girl has heightened my anticipation.  I can't believe I have another 18 weeks to go!

21 weeks!

 Color inspiration for the room.  I'm thinking the light green for the walls and some type of basic pink and white bumper.  Then I can have all sorts of different sheets 

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One of my favorite dresses.  It is so tiny!

Some of my favorite purchases.  We had A LOT of fun looking at clothing.

Ooooooooo we're half way there...

We are half way done with the pregnancy!  In about 20 more weeks we will be meeting our little girl :)  If you can't tell we've had a pretty exciting week.

Last Friday we were officially half way done with the pregnancy.  Then yesterday we had our 20 week ultrasound and found out that Baby Noakes is a girl!!! It was a long appointment because our stubborn daughter was having fun doing a headstand on my bladder and did not want to turn and face us to get measured.  She was very active which was really cool to see.  She kept moving her arms, legs, and neck around.  It was amazing to be able to see what exactly was causing the movements I felt.

After the appointment Phil and I went out for brunch.  It was nice to be able to relax and celebrate together.  We also started talking about names.  We made a list back around Thanksgiving but we haven't really looked at it since.  We have about six names we are considering.  However, we are going to wait until we meet her in June to make the final decision.  Plus, we want her name to be a surprise to everyone!

Overall we have been doing great!  Just chugging along waiting for June. Phil was finally about to feel her moving around last week.  My parent's are going to visit this weekend so my mom and I can work on designing the baby bedroom.

We can't wait to meet our daughter in a few short months!

Megan

Here are two of the pictures from the ultrasound...

She finally cooperated and let us get a profile shot!  We were also able to see her spine, ribs, heart, kidneys, and lungs.  The doctor said everything looked great!

Not the best picture in the work but you can see her hand.

Hot chocolate, cheese, & 80's Music

It moves! Last weekend Phil and I started the search for strollers and car seats. As I sat in the car afterward feeling completely overwhelmed all of a sudden I felt the tiniest little push in my stomach. I gasped not believing that I was actually able to feel the baby. Then, it moved again! My eyes teared up in joy and promptly called Phil who had run into the grocery store. Now he keeps trying to feel the baby and we think he has felt a few flutters. We can't wait for him to really be able to feel it move.

Since then I have felt the baby daily. It moved around after I had hot chocolate one morning this week. It moved a TON after I had some cheese and crackers as a snack today. It even moved around while we were at a Legwarmers (AMAZING 80's cover band) concert! Clearly it already has fantastic musical taste since it decided to dance around to Journey.

Only 2 more weeks until we find out the sex of the baby! I think everything will become a lot more real after we can start calling it a he or she instead of an it. 

Overall I am feeling great!  I've had some lower back pain and abdominal pain which is completely normal.  I'm just trying to stay active and healthy!


Below are some links to info about the baby's development at 18 weeks from three of the pregnancy websites I frequent.

thebump.com

Babycenter.com

Whattoexpect.com

Phil and I all dressed up for
the Legwarmers concert.

Kathleen rocked out at the concert with us!